My Crazy Thoughts
my thoughts on various topics.

Monday, February 28, 2005

Recently I've been very busy, which has made blogging hard. But I was always thinking, of things I should blog, but I forgot them before now, so that's the end of that. Now I have some free time, and I'm still thinking of things I should blog. We'll see if I get any of the ideas into this blog over spring break. This one will probably be on the long side.

Baby alert
A girl I knew in highschool, Heather, just had a baby. I found her blog via someone else's blog that I found while googling someone else. So, I knew when she got pregnant. And every now and again I send her an IM to see how things are going. She had been having contractions for quite a while, and had gone to the hospital only to find that while her contranctions were frequent they weren't strong enough. She was sent home to spend sleepless nights, interupted by contractions. But she finally delivered. I didn't get to talk to her much because I just saw that she was online when I was getting ready to shower, but I got some of the importants. A baby boy (which she knew ahead of time), born Feb 17, 2005 at 8lbs. 5oz. And while I didn't think get a chance to ask I believe they had settled on Micheal being the name.

Home
I'm home now, it feels good to be away from the crushing stress of the schedule I had last week. Though, I have to say that after getting used to a full size bed that twin is really not very comfortable, so only is it small (and I think shorter than the bed my apartment), but it is severely sagging in the middle, and I think I can feel the springs, either that or it's lumpy. That's not to say I didn't sleep okay, because I did, I was tired and just worn out. But I think I will look into the possibility of buy one get one free beds. I'm going to need one for the apartment I will live in next year, and I wouldn't mind a comfortable one here as well.

Cat
The cat is pooping regularly, and has been for a while, which is why I stopped posting about it. But after getting here I can see he is still having problems with his leg. It worries me. I'm afraid it might be hurting him, and I feel bad because he might be in pain. And it bothers me that he still is having problems after three weeks, it seems like anything muscular should have healed by now. And since we know it is not bone because the vet took x-rays, I'm worried about how serious the injury must have been to leave such a lasting effect and that this could be permanent and that I will always feel like this because he will always be like this. he certainly doesn't act like he is in pain. He just occasionally acts a little unsure of the leg and then lies down for a second. Then he gets up with no problem and walks away. He jumps around but sometimes you can see him re-think whether a particular jump is a good idea.

Apartment front
I'm still considering taking L up on her offer to share an apartment next year. I'm still iffy for all the reasons I said before, and for a few others. One thing is for sure though, I will live somewhere else next year.

Invasion
Yet another apartment problem. I live on the third floor, and about the only good thing I can think of about this is that I can open my window and not worry about random people looking in and seeing me. They might see my shadow but that's about it. And opening a window is especially important in my apartment because my roomates are insane and won't turn the air or heat on for anything. It might be sweltering and they won't turn on the air. It might be freezing and they won't turn on the heat. But I'm not willing to deal with these conditions most of the time. But I feel bad that I'm aparently the only person who has a problem with the temp, so I try to be conservative in my thermostat usage. So anyway, I like to have my window open on nice days because it keeps it cool enough in my room that I don't have to turn on the AC. And I have a nice big window so it's nice. The problem is that I live on the third floor and ants come in the window. On the THIRD floor!?! They are little bitty ants and they don't bite, but I have a thing about crawly things. Sue me. It was just a couple so I figured it was no big deal. I got some bug spray and sprayed the sill and through the screen on the sill on the outside. Problem fixed. Or so I thought. I had my window open one day again for the above listed reasons. But I always close my windows at night because it is so loud there that I would never be able to sleep if I didn't. As it is I can hear the people having conversations downstairs with them closed. So I went to bed and to sleep. When I woke up the next morning I didn't want to get up so I put on my glasses and turned on the TV. I rested the remote on the pillow next to me while I dozed and watched TV. When suddenly I see an ant scurry across my glasses lens. I killed it and figured it was a fluke fromt he night before when I had my window open, I didn't see any on the sill when i closed it. Then I saw another on my pillow and I killed it and then another. But this time I'm AWAKE. They have infested by remote control so I got up and took it to the sink and shook it off. There were probably 20 on it. They all came off and I washed them down the sink and then went back to the bed to see how bad the infestation was. All the while completely freaked out about the possibility of sleeping in ants. Luckily there were just a couple left behind on my pillow. Which I promptly killed. Then I inspected my sill only to find a few. And then the side of my bed, which is pushed up against the window. There were a few, and a several on the bed skirt. I killed them all and sprayed down the sill and the wall and the outside sill with bug spray again. Why they thought marching along the side of the room to my night stand to take up residence in my remote is beyond me. But this I do know, I will never be able to open my window again. At least without killing my brain cells with some bug spray. How it is that there are enough ants in and around my apartment to climb up to the third floor and in my window whenever I open my window is beyond me. But I'm not living there again.

Speaking of Babies
Jenn really wants to have a baby. Of course, she has to wait until her husband comes home, and she is planning to wait until next April. Which would make her due in January. That's just not a good time for me. I totally wouldn't have time to visit her and the baby until summer and the baby would be soooo big by then. So I've told her that she must wait and plan her delivery for a better time. Of course I would be happy for her no matter when, but I REALLY would like to go see. Of course, her living in VA is going to make it difficult. But I don't want to be one of those friends of your parents that you meet one day and makes this big deal about how big you are and blah blah blah, and after they leave you're like, so who was that, and then your parents are like oh, that's an blah blah blah, and you feel totally wierded out that some person knows all about you and you don't know anything about them. Plus I really love little bitty babies and I wouldn't mind an excuse to hold one.

The Shut Out
Dude, have you seen that episode of Friends where Monica and Pheobe know this girl who is totally annoying and she moved to England for a while and adopted a fake british accent, and then came back and told them to smell her and went on and on about how that wasn't perfume it was her natural scent... And Pheobe was like, we should just shut her out. So they ignored her calls and stuff. Yeah, I'm feeling a little like that now. Like I'm being shut out. For weeks I've been calling Lori (probably an average of once a week, though not every week--I'm busy sometimes). Her phone just rings and rings, and last week, after a while of ringing it sounded like someone was dialing and then went dead. The time before that the line just went dead after ringing for a little while. The machine never picks up. So finally I decided I must be dialing the wrong number which is totally a possibility because I never added it to my phone book, I was just using my call history for it. So I called her parents, and no one answered. And the machine didn't pick up. Sooo...I sent her a quick e-mail asking how she was doing and telling her that I thought I had the wrong number. And she sent me one back saying she was working and planning her move to columbus and was planning a go see trip this summer and that if I called and the phone just kept ringing it was because she was online. That was it. She didn't confirm that I was calling the right number, and she didn't attempt to call me. The last time I talked to her she asked me to drive to tampa with her to go to some club with her brother and his friend. And that day I had just driven back from Jacksonville, and I hadn't even showered, I was tired and had work I needed to do and I really couldn't go, but I probably wouldn't have anyway because clubs just aren't my thing. It was a quick call because she was getting ready to go pick up her cousin and just wanted to know if I would be free that night to go. And I tried to call the next week to see how it had gone, but as I said I haven't been able to get through to her since then.

Okay, I think this post was long enough.

Saturday, February 26, 2005

And did I mention that it waited to get cold and rainy until spring break? Fab-U-Lous!

Today, we had ANOTHER exam. Before the exam while sitting in the auditorium where the test was going to be we were reviewing the material. It was a microbio exam, and we were reviewing some replication, translation, transcription stuffs. So we're discussiong DNA, RNA, mRNA, rRNA, and tRNA. Someone threw out a question and I knew the answer.
Me: tNA
D: yeah it's definitely TNA
All of us: vigourous laughing.
M: Wait, I don't know what that is.
Me: yes you do, you just are thinking about RNA right now.
M: i don't know what that is
Me: Yes you do, you'll get to the club tonight and be like, Oh!
Much mumbling and laughing before someone finally tells him what it is.
D: That reminds me of the time when I said Labia, and you said you didn't know what it was so you asked your mom
All of us: more vigorous laughing.
M: Wait, I forgot it is.
All of us: more laughing
M: Is it a girl part?
Another M: It's the lip
More laughing, with me barely able to breathe
Other M: It's the outer lip. (not really correct, but we weren't really able to correct it in our laughing state)
M: Oh.

Okay, so maybe you won't think it is so funny. But I think it pretty much shows that we were pretty loopy by that point. A few to many hours, days, weeks, studying.

I'm pretty sure I failed that test. I just didn't have the time, or really the will to switch gears that quickly and start studying for another exam. It shouldn't have been that bad, but we'll have to see. In any case we have extra credit quizes we can do, and I completed the ones for this exam. In the end they probably won't be much help at all, but maybe they will be enough to make up for this one.

As for the exam Wednesday night, I think I did okay, but that usually is not a good sign. Again we will have to wait, especially for that exam, since I can never figure how I did when I walk out of them. I'm tired of people asking me how I think I did. Haven't you figured out by now that I don't know. Don't I tell you the same thing after every exam. Leave me alone already.

The music has temporarily stopped so it's off to bed I go before it starts again.

As usual, the weekend in my apartment complex equals time to play music as loud as absolutely possible. And ignoring the girl who keeps kicking the wall in protest. I'm am being held hostage and tortured by the beat of repetitive bass. After a while my heart starts to beat harder and faster, I can feel it. Like it's saying, "No, you've got the rhythm all wrong, it should be like this" and then gets louder and louder as if the half-deaf people in the next apartment could possibly hear it.

Monday, February 21, 2005

I was just readng something on the internet with the tv on in the background and a commercial came on and it said Leukotriene. And wow, that caught my attention. Now I know school is getting to be too much. My internet was bad ALL day yesterday so I didn't get enough lectures watched, so since I had to be at campus at 3 I decided to go in earlier then normal and get some more watched, but first I had to go through the pharmacotherapy material and there were people there and we were talking about a bad test questions and blah blah blah, so that really didn't happen so I have to get to that now.

I really need to live in a different apartment next year. This one is crappy and while the internet they supply is decent enough for most people it isn't good enough for my lectures. I'm seriously considering the offer of a classmate to live with her next year. The only problem is she is married and her husband is supposed to go into the army this summer so he won't be there, so the landlord said in that case it would be fine for me to live there, but I'm worried, what if something happens and he doesn't go in to the army or stay there? And I seriously doubt the landlord would really have a problem with me living there is he still was too, and I don't think I would really have a problem with living with them but they would probably feel uncomfortable with me living there. So that is my only reservation. PLUS...I know she is less than happy with her marriage so I don't know what would happen if she decided to make some change there.

I just know I can't live here next year. It's just not acceptable.

Sunday, February 20, 2005

Well, my plan was to watch a few more lectures tonight, but for more than an hour I've been fighting with my internet service. It is slow--At 3:00am? I don't know what is going on with it, but I'm tired and I don't want to listen to 2 seconds of neurotransmitter/receptor lecture between constant buffering, which is taking about 30 seconds. Do you know how long it takes to watch an hour lecture while that is happening? So, we'll save dopamine for tomorrow, and I'll just have to push these lectures in with all the micro I was going to watch tomorrow. Maybe tomorrow during the day I will get more done. I guess I don't really have a choice now.

I'm sure that I thought of something funny to blog about, but I just can't remember it right now. Maybe next time.

Saturday, February 19, 2005

Had an exam today. I think it went well, especially for how unprepared I felt going into it. I'm having a hard time moving things into long-term memory. Or even a type of memory that is not immediately forgotten after I've read two more sentences. Even when I comprehend things and relate them I forget nearly immediately. It's not soaking in. I think it may be related to how badly I'm doing in PBD. He's a great professor, when he speaks I listen. But I can't get the right answer to a test question. Not even when I'm sure I'm right. Later I find out that well, if you think of it like this then it's this answer, or you must have missed the significance of this word. A "the" can make the difference. While it is comforting that I'm not the only one with this problem, I'm not even in the minority here. Most everyone I know was very upset about the last exam scores. We all thought we did well, but most of us didn't do as well as we thought or would have liked. I didn't do anywhere near the "well" area. I get so dissapointed, it's like I know that no matter what I will never do well, so why try? Except that is not really a consious thought, because i study for hours, I just don't process it like I'm used to. I watch all the lectures, I just won't get the correct answers for the exam. Okay, more lectures to watch. Lots and lots more. One week, 2 exams, 2 presentations, 1 pharmacotherapy and 1 quiz until spring break!

Wednesday, February 16, 2005

I suddenly have an urge to crochet. This in particlular:

Which is odd for several reasons. I'll only list a few here.
1) I have a baby blanket at home that I've been working on for more than 4 years and that is not even close to done.
2) I only know how to do very basic crochet, and have never followed a pattern before. I don't even know what the abbreviations on the pattern mean.
3) I live in Florida and anyone who wears a scarf here always looks a little funny. Also, it's February, and while the winter is not over, I doubt it will get cold enough for either of these pieces, even if I was willing to look a little silly.

I think it has more to do with the fact that I would rather do ANYTHING other than school work.

Friday, February 11, 2005

Feel free to bow at my feet, for I am MIGHTY.
That is right, MIGHTY. Not only did I find the auto parts store in Friday-afternoon-rush-hour-traffic, but I also managed to change the headlight ALL BY MYSELF. There were some rough times, while I was working completely blind, because the lights are tucked up underneath something, while my hands were cramping from twisting my wrist around so I could grasp the connector to wiggle it, all while squeezing the snap so hard it made my fingers hurt (the manual actually says to "wiggle" it), while my hands were completely black with car stuff, but I got through it. I overcame. And do you know why? Because I am MIGHTY.

Thursday, February 10, 2005

The presentation went fairly well today. My part did anyway. At the end she said I didn't cover something that I was supposed to, but I actually did, so I just re-said what I said. The material wasn't on one of my slides because I didn't know that would be one of the assigned questions ahead of time, but I did say it.

Now I have to study for dosage forms. The exam is tomorrow. After the exam I'm meeting with my micro group to put together a paper for the project we are working on. I have all the research ready, but I'm going to have to put into a written form before then. I have 10 pages of research, most of it is repeated info, but I only have one page of space in the paper. We'll see how that goes.

Did I mention we FINALLY got out internship licenses. Not such a big thing for me, but really big for those of us who have jobs, because they will either get a raise OR they will get backpay, because technically we've been interns since we started school. They also sent a letter telling us that FL won't keep track of our intern hours because they don't care. So if we want a license in another state we need to keep the records in that state. Which reminded me that I need to find a state that practices reciprocity (Florida doesn't), because if that state requires more than 1500 intern hours then, I need to register my additional hours with them, because if in 10 years I decide to leave FL I don't want to have to take the boards then. It is better to do it right after graduation.

The cat is better. He doesn't seem to be having the problem with his leg. However, he didn't go, so he had to go back to the vet. How gave him 2 enemas. And he still didn't go. But they sent him home (I can't imagine why they weren't more worried at this point) and he finally did go. So woo hoo!

Back to Dosage Forms I go.

Why is it that everyone is talking about seeing Napolean Dynamite and I don't even know what it is about? I don't even know if I spelled it right.

Wednesday, February 09, 2005

I promise I'll stop talking about cats as soon as ours are all better and I don't have to worry about them anymore. And because I'm sure you want to know, I'll tell you that the laxative has yet to work. So, if he doesn't go tonight, then he will probably have to go back to the vet for an enema. So, let's all pray he goes tonight, because I don't think the alternative would be pleasant for anyone involved.

I went to the store. After I watched Heather B. Armstrong on TV. And when I got there I noticed that I only had ONE headlight working. AND I don't have time to fix it until Friday afternoon. AND I have class tomorrow night until 7, which is after dark. So I have to drive home tomorrow AFTER DARK WITH ONLY ONE HEADLIGHT. And this happens only after I thanked the traffic gods for my excellent drive home yesterday, which was totally unexpected due to post superbowl traffic. I told them I would gladly accept that as payment in full for all of the pre-superbowl traffic, but I guess they thought I owed them or something. So anyway, in return for this inconvenience I am going to have to demand good trips until my light is fixed. So Friday, if it's not dark when I get done at school, I'm taking myself on a trip to the autoparts store to buy a brand new low beam headlight. And THEN I'm going to figure out how to change it without touching the bulb. Because we can go to the moon, but can't figure out how to make a headlight bulb you can touch.

But now, I'm going to go make a chocolate pudding pie. And then I'm going to iron the pants I have to wear tomorrow for the presentation.

Mom took Rascal to the vet. The vet said it was just a soft tissue injury, but from the x-rays he said that he needed to have a bowel movement. And since he didn't have one yesterday my mom had to give him a laxative. And since I'm in Jax, and Nikky is in Tampa, and my mom has to work, she had to leave him at home. Alone. Well, Tex (the black cat) is there, but I don't think he will be much help. So now I feel bad because he feels bad AND because my mom had to go to work today worrying about a cat's bowel movements.

I spent today preparing a presentation for tomorrow. Now I have to prepare another presentation. Then I have to watch a bazillion lectures. And then study for the exam Friday. After the exam I have to meet with a goup to put together the paper for the second presentation. Which is good, because that gives me the weekend to prepare for ANOTHER presentation and to watch the lectures I'm putting off so I can do all this stuff and study for another exam. And next week is a good week because I ONLY have ONE exam. 2.5 weeks until SPRING BREAK. I don't have anything planned. Except, watching lectures. Because, as usual I am behind.

Pharmacotherapy yesterday was really interesting though. We had a sub, and I think she did a better job than our normal preceptor. She gave really great info freely, and we didn't have to drag things out of her. She also didn't say anything like, "that was a hard question, let me give you an easier one. Out of the 8 questions listed in the reading...What are 5 of them?" As if anyone can remember all of that while all of the blood is rushing to their heads.

I hate my apartment.

I haven't even taken a shower today, and I still have to go to the store to get groceries. Luckily it would be nearly impossible to leave the store right now because of the traffic and the crazy turn you have to make to get out of there. So I have time to do get ready before I can leave anyway.

Monday, February 07, 2005

This weekend Rascal, our white cat, hurt himself. He was playing underneath a stool and tipped it over. It didn't fall on him, and I don't think it would have hit him anyway, but in the process of running away he hurt his leg. He pulled something, or pulled it out of it's socket. In any case he is hurt. We can't figure out is maybe his hip pops out of joint, or if it just starts hurting him so bad he can't use it. He's usually fine when walking, especially at first, but if he is up for too long, or tries to run he falls down, and can't get his legs back under him. After a few minutes, especially if you approach him slowly and talk to him he is able to get up and move. He will usually then go and lay down in a quiet spot.

I feel so bad that he is hurt, and that we don't know what is wrong with him. Whether it is something that will heal on it's own, or if he will need some help to heal. It was very upsetting to see him when he fell down and couldn't get up. And to watch him drag his body away, trying to get to a quiet place, and not knowing if it would be better to just leave him alone, or to go try to help him. But we don't know how to help, and he isn't always the most cordial cat. I keep hoping it is just a pulled muscle and it will be better tomorrow, but I don't think it will be because he had the same problem today. It scares me when he falls down like that and can't get his feet back under him to stand up. And I hope that it is just a pulled muscle and that he is upset by the pain when this happens, rather than being upset that he can't control his leg. It seems to me that a pulled muscle would heal easier than a limb that he periodically loses control of. When it happens we can't tell if he is in pain or if he is just upset because he can't contol that leg.

Mom said that if he isn't drastically better by tomorrow morning she would take him to the vet. Hopefully they will be able to figure out what the problem is right away and fix it really fast.

Okay that's enough of me rambling.

Wednesday, February 02, 2005

Dear W,
Just imagine where the social security program would be if you had put the budget surplus into the social security program rather than wasting it and a ton of other money on a "war" that nobody really wanted. Just a thought.
Sincerely,
Malissa
US citizen

Attn: All Superbowl Go-ers
Welcome to sunny Jacksonville. How nice of you to visit us. We hope you enjoy your stay. It's really very lucky for you to be here a full week before the big game. We hope you are able to partake in all the Jacksonvillian fun. We would especially like to request that you drive around at rush-hour, the more the merrier we always say. Please, don't bother with those pesky turn signals, especially when pushing your way into a lane, it's really quite tacky to bring so much attention to yourself by using those bright flashing lights. Oh, and if you have the time it would be really nice if you could join us in sitting in traffic on JTB, because you know, it's a really great Jacksonville past-time, and as I stated before, the more the merrier!
Regards,
Malissa
Unwilling temporary semi-citizen of Jacksonville.

Tuesday, February 01, 2005

So, the hard part has started. The laziness of the first few weeks is over. I had my first exam of the semester today. I'll come back to that in a while. I have another Wed. Tomorrow I have pharmacotherapy, and everyone has been called on, so I could be up again. Again Thurs, I have ICS, which shouldn't be so bad except that I have to read an article to prepare. I'm tired of reading articles. From now until Spring break I have at least one exam per week. In fact, all but one week, I have two exams. Then spring break. Who has spring break in February? It's just the last couple days of Feb, but it's still crazy. After that, as far as I have moved the calender into outlook we have at least one exam per week also. Blah! I will not be sad to see this semester go by, and next year will only be worse.

I expected the exam today to be easy. He said that as long as we did the review questions and took the practice test on the CD we would do well. I did all that, I knew AND understood the answers, I saw an old exam from several years ago, I breezed through it with only a few questions about it. Everything we had heard from him and other students said that we should be fine. But I have a feeling we won't be so fine. It seems like this happens to us in all of our classes, like they are purposely making EVERYTHING more difficult. Changing all of there methods just for us.

The weather is crazy, it gets warm and then cold in waves, cold the beginning of the week then warm and then cold again by the end of the weekend. I don't mind the cold too much because I got a really awesome leather jacket for Christmas.

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