I've never hated eminem. I know he's done all of this controversial stuff. Blah, Blah, Blah. I know that people actually have valid reasons for thinking he is the devil's spawn. I've never really agreed with those reasons. Maybe it's because I can see his typical boy shit for what it really is--just typical boy shit.
In my opinion one of the best lines ever written is: "Nobody listens to techno." You gotta love him for that.
Seriously nobody listens to techno. You may get high to it, or pretend to dance to it, but in all actuality it is just audio poison.
Today in microbiology we talked about how disease spreads via food. So along with all those stories people tell about finding roaches and band-aids in their food I also know why eating in restaurants is gross from a microbiological stand-point. I will never eat restaurant catsup again--unless it comes out of packets. Other than that I will just figure I haven't died yet, so I must be immune. But that doesn't mean that you can spit in my food.
YAY! My application has been sent from pharmcas to all the schools I applied to. Of course, one of the deadlines have passed, and it is very close to the others deadlines, but like I said before, I'll take what I can get.
More Good News: My transcripts have now been verified by pharmCAS. I checked last night and they were done. But they haven't been mailed yet. Hopfully tomorrow. So maybe I still have a chance after all. It may be a small chance but I'll take what I can get. I really want this.
I love the sound of a cello. Whenever I hear one I want to learn how. And I love that song at the beginning of "Angel." I wish I knew someone who could play so I could get them to teach me. Or so I could talk them into letting me mess with their cello.
Whenever I'm shopping with someone else people think that I'm actually a sales person. It happens a lot. This weekend I was in the mall with my mom. She picked out two shirts, she only wanted to try one on and she was going to leave the other with me because she was sure she was getting it. We were standing near the dressing room and I told her she might as well try on both shirts since she was going to be in there and you never know...she might not like it when she got it on. Then this lady comes over and asks if she can try on some pants. I should have just said, "sure." But instead I stumbled over telling her I didn't work there. It just took me by surprise. I guess I exude some kind of store person authority.
The Good News: My transcripts from CFCC have finally arrived at pharmCAS! I did a little happy dance.
The Not so Good News: It could still be a while until the are processed and they may not be processed in time for the school's deadlines.
The Bad News: Even if they are processed VERY quickly it may be too late. The schools may have already made their decisions based on those whose applications have already been recieved.
At least now I have some hope though. NOW I can just spend my time hoping and wishing and praying that they haven't made their final selections and that my transcripts are verified quickly and mailed tomorrow, or at least before the deadline.
So, I know all of the 0 people that read this on a daily basis are sitting on the edges of their seats waiting for the next installment of my tale of woe. I told you that Melissa said the copy of my transcript would be ready at 12:00 today right? Well she did, she told me that when I talked to her Friday. Luckily I called ahead just to make sure. Turns out, she took today off, and tomorrow as well. That's right boys and girls, when she told me that she knew she wouldn't be there. I was lucky enough to speak with Juana (sp?) who spent a couple hours searching around for my transcript request. When she finally found it she processesed it immediately. And now thanks to her it is sitting in an express mail envelope waiting to go into the mail tomorrow. Today was a holiday. I still had school but that doesn't mean the mail has to run. So, lets all pray for a speedy delivery and and even more speedy processing and mailing of my application. I still have a chance to get into UF or PBAU. Please, cross your fingers, and pray for me, and wish me luck, and anything else you can think of. I need ALL I can get. Nothing is too small. Throw a penny in a fountain, blow on an eyelash, eat a curly chip. I'm begging you, send me some good Karma, I need it. I obviously don't have any of my own.
Because it is really important to me that I do everything possible to salvage my future I decided to go to CFCC in ocala today. Melissa said that she could have my transcripts ready for me at 12:00 on Monday, so I put in the request today and I will pick it up on Monday and put it in the mail--Express. Hopefully everything will work out and it will actually be ready for me and I can put it in the mail, track it, and then wait some more.
Of course when I got there to fill out the request and I got to the date field I realized that it was the 13th. Friday the 13th to be exact. So of course, everything I did today will basically be null and void and I will probably have to go on a killing spree to get anything done. And then the only thing that will get done is that I will be put away. But hey, then I won't have to worry about what I'm going to do with the rest of my life, I can just bounce off the rubber walls.
Next week I should get my PCAT scores. Then I'll find out if I'm really doing all of this in vain anyway. Because if I did poorly I'm not going to get in anyway. I still feel pretty okay about my scores though. I don't think I bombed it anyway.
I have determined the problem
This is my 13th semester at a institution of higher learning. So you see, the powers that be (whoever they may be) are obligated to see that I face some form of scholastic difficulty. It's just my dumb luck that they chose to prevent my matriculation to an institution of even higher learning. Come on, I couldn't just be failing microbiology? Turns out I don't really need that anyway.
I called CFCC today to talk to Melissa at ext. 1309. I sincerely hope she was just playing dumb so she wouldn't have to do any work, because if that was the actual extent of her intelligence I don't see how she actually found her way to work today. I was told that the transcript I requested last week was sent out, we'll see if it makes it. I sent a letter to the president and the director of student records and financial aid. I hope they do something so that I don't have to deal with this anymore.
I talked to Jenn today. She asked me what I am doing this weekend, I said I wasn't doing anything. Then she said something like, "you're not even doing anything for president's day?" There was a slight pause in there are if she suddenly realized who she was talking to didn't want to bring up valentines day. Then she went on to tell me about how her boyfriend has something planned, there is a limo involved and he gave her money to buy a dress, and she told me what they (2 dresses) look like, she will send pictures. She sounds like she's happy.
She complained about her classes and then she complained about her roommate who she has decided she doesn't like anymore because they are always fighting and it is always Jenn's fault. She said her roommate is always saying how much she hates it there and that Jenn is always talking about her boyfriend and how happy she is and she didn't want to hear about it anymore. I didn't really want to hear about it either, but that's just because I don't want to talk about anything right now unless it happens to have something to do with making it possible for me to get into pharmacy school, preferably if it has something to do with me actually getting into pharmacy school so I can get back to my charmed life where I get to do things the way I PLANNED them.
CFCC sucks.
I called again today to see about my transcripts. It's been 2 and a half weeks since they were sent out and they still haven't been recieved. This is not the first time this has happened. Do I think they actually sent them? NO. Damn it. When I called I asked to speak to the supervisor, she was out sick. When I explained my problem I was told I should call back tomorrow.
They should have been there, at the latest, a week and a half ago. It can take up to five weeks for Pharmcas to process them. Even if they got there today there is a chance that they wouldn't be processed soon enough to make the deadline. With every day that passes the chances get lower and lower that they will be processed and sent out in time for the deadline.
Am I mad? Yes. It makes me more upset when I think that I won't even get the chance to be considered because CFCC sucks.
My mom keeps saying, "it's okay, you'll just take a year off." This was my year off. It should not take ten years to get a pharm.D. I'm so tired of dealing with this. I should be able to work hard and achieve anything I want to. I shouldn't have to sit by and watch everyone else screw it up for me. Damn it.
1. My transcripts from CFCC still haven't made it to pharmcas.
2. I did absolutely nothing of note today.
My transcripts from CFCC still haven't made it to pharmcas. They were mailed on the 23rd even if it takes four days to get there and a week to process them in they should have gotten there by now. Maybe tomorrow.
I got a 100 on my microbiology test. There were 20 points extra credit so it isn't as good as it sounds, but I did very well as compared with the rest of the class. I'm very happy. Hanging onto my As. I have a headache tonight from studying for that test so that's all I'm writing for now.
I requested another copy of my transcripts from CFCC be sent. I hope they get there soon. I'm praying that everything will work out. I at least want to be considered for acceptence. I can deal with it if I'm not good enough, I've been dealing with it for the last year. I just can't stand the thought of missing the opportunity.
I have a micro test tomorrow, and I haven't begun to study. I will tomorrow, and I am meeting a girl from class before the test so we can study together.
When I graduated from college, I didn't really think of it as a big thing. I mean I walked and wore the cap and gown, but the fact that I
knew I was going back to school, and the other things going on around me that day drowned out the excitement of the achievement. No big celebrations occured, it didn't feel like anything changed or anyone really noticed. Now that I am being forced daily to look at the possibility that I won't be going back to school I miss that excitement.
You know, I thought that after I turned in all my application materials my biggest problem would be trying to stop worrying about something that was beyond my control--namely whether the schools I applied to accepted me. Boy was I wrong. Today when I checked to see if my transcripts had arrived USF had sent a second set of transcripts. The problem: I only requested one group be sent. This worried me. I was worried that either USF had accidentally sent the set of the were supposed to send to FAMU to pharmcas. Or pharmcas had accidentally entered that they received a USF transcript when the received my CFCC transcript (checked the wrong box). So I called USF. She told me that they had in fact sent a second copy to pharmcas. And when I asked if my transcripts to FAMU had been sent she said yes--one on the 15th and one on the 16th. Something about that seemed off so I checked and I didn't even send the request until the 26th. So after class today I called back to double check and was told that they did send my transcripts to both places, however I forgot to ask the dates they were sent. My next problem is that they still haven't received my transcripts from CFCC. I checked and they were sent out on the 23rd. And I'm pretty sure they should have gotten there by now. It is making me nervous because last year when I requested that two copies of my transcripts be sent to the pharmacy college at FAMU they were never sent. Even though they told me they sent 2 copies, one electronic and one hard copy. First of all the electronic copy goes to the general admissions office for the entire university, which is not what I requested. So after calling all around the FAMU campus I was finally able to determine that no one at either office had received either copy of my transcripts. CFCC, of course, had record of sending them and couldn't figure out the problem. Finally I was like, well, if you had sent them then even if the hard copy was lost in the mail the electronic copy should be there. And they were like, well it could take some time. And I was like, the beauty of the electronic copy is that it is nearly instantaneous, which means that if it hasn't gotten there in two weeks then it isn't getting there. Finally they resent them, and luckily they were received on time. Of course, I wasn't accepted that time. This time CFCC still didn't have it together, and I know they didn't make it on time, because they didn't even get it mailed out until I called them and said, hey! why haven't you sent these yet? Of course it took three more days to get them in the mail.
So my transcripts from CFCC still haven't been received and until they are received pharmcas won't even review my application. And if it takes CFCC much longer there won't be enough time for pharmcas to finish they're review and send my application to my designated schools. I've already missed one school's deadline.
So I have the next month to worry about it. And then I have another couple months to see if I get accepted.
I feel like I'm fighting an uphill battle with the weight of the world on my back. And I know that sounds weird because it's not like I'm fighting for something that even matters on a global scale, but that's what it feels like.
I while back I decided that if I don't get into pharmacy school this year I'm going to apply for a job at DCF and be a child protection agent. I have a degree in Psych and I have the ability to obtain certification so I am qualified, and they are always looking for people. It's a good job and a noble profession, and while it isn't what I would choose if I had a choice I think I could be happy doing it. And I feel like if I don't get in then I need to do something to move forward with my life, and I felt better knowing that I had something to fall back on, something that would mean that I would not be stuck in this nothingness forever.
But since I made this decision things seem to be getting even worse, the hill is getting steeper and the world is getting heavier. It's almost as if God is trying to tell me that I'm aiming for something that isn't my calling. I mean with all the problems I'm having there must be some divine intervention going on, right?
The thing is, I know that I would be relatively happy as a social worker (except for the pay aspect), but I wouldn't be happy doing it and feeling like I got screwed out of the opportunity to be a member of the profession I chose, the one I spent a lot of time thinking about before I chose it. I would never be happy thinking what if. What if my transcripts from CFCC had just gotten there on time? It would be completely different if I was told I just wasn't good enough. But it wouldn't be okay if I never really got the chance.
I'm going to try to start writing shorter posts because I know I hate reading really long posts, but it always seems I need so many words to describe what it going on.
I have come to a decision
Or maybe it would be more accurate to say I've come to a conclusion. Either way--thoughts have been thought.
So, if you haven't been paying attention or you are just tuning in or whatever I will give some background--if you want more you'll have to read backwards and find my other posts on the subject. I graduated last May, and I applied to FAMU pharmacy school. I didn't get in. And because they didn't feel it was necessary to let me know that I was on a wait list, I called them to see what was going on. It was at that point I was told that I probably wasn't getting in. I was also given a list of reasons that in my opinion are complete crap. I would have felt better about it if they had said I didn't get in because my grades weren't good enough, or they didn't have any open spaces or anything remotely valid. But I specifically asked about grades and was given some run around response about how they don't really take grades into account, it's more a global view of how students have done in their classes. If grades aren't indicative of how students do in classes then I'm really not sure what is. So needless to say I'm upset by this. I feel I was cheated and probably for a reason that I don't want to believe exists. One that I can't even bring myself to write about.
Anyway, because I wasn't accepted and because I didn't apply to any other schools (which is totally my fault) I was faced with the question of what I would do this year? I decided I would take classes here at a local community college, so I could be at home, even though I was accepted to USF for post-bac work. I've been taking the classes that various other pharmacy colleges require for acceptance. So far I've done really well. A's. Which I plan to continue.
I think that this year has been really good for me. Even if I have been depressed and have lower confidence in myself and my abilities, and am always second guessing myself. I feel like no matter what the other factors were, if I had just been better I would have been accepted.
It really has effected my self-confidence. I can't even make plans for myself for next year, when last year I was sure that I would be in pharmacy school this year. I've applied to several other pharmacy schools, and CFCC is really trying hard to mess that up by not sending my transcripts to where they need to go. But I'm still not at all confident that I will get in. I must be lacking in something, because if I was good enough, I wouldn't have to apply this year.
But I know, that if I do get accepted somewhere I will kick ass at my studies. We're talking class valedictorian or at least my best try at it. I've always been a good student. In college I got 2 Cs in the four years that I was there. One in organic chemistry II. I do know people who got As in that class, but I also know a LOT of people who would have cut off their arms for a C. The other C was in stats, the teacher was terrible, no one did well in that class, and on the day for evaluations everyone that was still left in the class stayed after to write comments--and no one writes comments like that, I don't know how that guy is still teaching with the things people were writing about him. This year though I have gotten used to As, and I plan for them to continue. That's why I know that this year was good for me. Because if I do get accepted I'm going to work even harder for my grades. I want to get As, I like them. A lot of times before Bs were acceptable, they aren't anymore. And...as an added bonus, I will enjoy always knowing how wrong they were when they didn't accept me because I didn't take enough credits a semester (17 wasn't enough), and because I went to a four year school rather than a community college, and because I wasn't pre-med (yes I was), and because I didn't work in the field.
Because of this I will work even harder. Not that I think there is a chance in hell I wouldn't have excelled if I had been given the chance the first time around.
And...a curse on CFCC for not sending my transcripts when they tell me they will or to who they said they would. They've messed up 2 of my applications--which means I payed and I won't even be considered for acceptence. I just hope that the other 2 work out.
