My Crazy Thoughts
my thoughts on various topics.

I have come to a decision
Or maybe it would be more accurate to say I've come to a conclusion. Either way--thoughts have been thought.
So, if you haven't been paying attention or you are just tuning in or whatever I will give some background--if you want more you'll have to read backwards and find my other posts on the subject. I graduated last May, and I applied to FAMU pharmacy school. I didn't get in. And because they didn't feel it was necessary to let me know that I was on a wait list, I called them to see what was going on. It was at that point I was told that I probably wasn't getting in. I was also given a list of reasons that in my opinion are complete crap. I would have felt better about it if they had said I didn't get in because my grades weren't good enough, or they didn't have any open spaces or anything remotely valid. But I specifically asked about grades and was given some run around response about how they don't really take grades into account, it's more a global view of how students have done in their classes. If grades aren't indicative of how students do in classes then I'm really not sure what is. So needless to say I'm upset by this. I feel I was cheated and probably for a reason that I don't want to believe exists. One that I can't even bring myself to write about.
Anyway, because I wasn't accepted and because I didn't apply to any other schools (which is totally my fault) I was faced with the question of what I would do this year? I decided I would take classes here at a local community college, so I could be at home, even though I was accepted to USF for post-bac work. I've been taking the classes that various other pharmacy colleges require for acceptance. So far I've done really well. A's. Which I plan to continue.
I think that this year has been really good for me. Even if I have been depressed and have lower confidence in myself and my abilities, and am always second guessing myself. I feel like no matter what the other factors were, if I had just been better I would have been accepted.
It really has effected my self-confidence. I can't even make plans for myself for next year, when last year I was sure that I would be in pharmacy school this year. I've applied to several other pharmacy schools, and CFCC is really trying hard to mess that up by not sending my transcripts to where they need to go. But I'm still not at all confident that I will get in. I must be lacking in something, because if I was good enough, I wouldn't have to apply this year.
But I know, that if I do get accepted somewhere I will kick ass at my studies. We're talking class valedictorian or at least my best try at it. I've always been a good student. In college I got 2 Cs in the four years that I was there. One in organic chemistry II. I do know people who got As in that class, but I also know a LOT of people who would have cut off their arms for a C. The other C was in stats, the teacher was terrible, no one did well in that class, and on the day for evaluations everyone that was still left in the class stayed after to write comments--and no one writes comments like that, I don't know how that guy is still teaching with the things people were writing about him. This year though I have gotten used to As, and I plan for them to continue. That's why I know that this year was good for me. Because if I do get accepted I'm going to work even harder for my grades. I want to get As, I like them. A lot of times before Bs were acceptable, they aren't anymore. And...as an added bonus, I will enjoy always knowing how wrong they were when they didn't accept me because I didn't take enough credits a semester (17 wasn't enough), and because I went to a four year school rather than a community college, and because I wasn't pre-med (yes I was), and because I didn't work in the field.
Because of this I will work even harder. Not that I think there is a chance in hell I wouldn't have excelled if I had been given the chance the first time around.

And...a curse on CFCC for not sending my transcripts when they tell me they will or to who they said they would. They've messed up 2 of my applications--which means I payed and I won't even be considered for acceptence. I just hope that the other 2 work out.

posted by Malissa at 11:13 PM