My Crazy Thoughts
my thoughts on various topics.

You know, I thought that after I turned in all my application materials my biggest problem would be trying to stop worrying about something that was beyond my control--namely whether the schools I applied to accepted me. Boy was I wrong. Today when I checked to see if my transcripts had arrived USF had sent a second set of transcripts. The problem: I only requested one group be sent. This worried me. I was worried that either USF had accidentally sent the set of the were supposed to send to FAMU to pharmcas. Or pharmcas had accidentally entered that they received a USF transcript when the received my CFCC transcript (checked the wrong box). So I called USF. She told me that they had in fact sent a second copy to pharmcas. And when I asked if my transcripts to FAMU had been sent she said yes--one on the 15th and one on the 16th. Something about that seemed off so I checked and I didn't even send the request until the 26th. So after class today I called back to double check and was told that they did send my transcripts to both places, however I forgot to ask the dates they were sent. My next problem is that they still haven't received my transcripts from CFCC. I checked and they were sent out on the 23rd. And I'm pretty sure they should have gotten there by now. It is making me nervous because last year when I requested that two copies of my transcripts be sent to the pharmacy college at FAMU they were never sent. Even though they told me they sent 2 copies, one electronic and one hard copy. First of all the electronic copy goes to the general admissions office for the entire university, which is not what I requested. So after calling all around the FAMU campus I was finally able to determine that no one at either office had received either copy of my transcripts. CFCC, of course, had record of sending them and couldn't figure out the problem. Finally I was like, well, if you had sent them then even if the hard copy was lost in the mail the electronic copy should be there. And they were like, well it could take some time. And I was like, the beauty of the electronic copy is that it is nearly instantaneous, which means that if it hasn't gotten there in two weeks then it isn't getting there. Finally they resent them, and luckily they were received on time. Of course, I wasn't accepted that time. This time CFCC still didn't have it together, and I know they didn't make it on time, because they didn't even get it mailed out until I called them and said, hey! why haven't you sent these yet? Of course it took three more days to get them in the mail.
So my transcripts from CFCC still haven't been received and until they are received pharmcas won't even review my application. And if it takes CFCC much longer there won't be enough time for pharmcas to finish they're review and send my application to my designated schools. I've already missed one school's deadline.
So I have the next month to worry about it. And then I have another couple months to see if I get accepted.

I feel like I'm fighting an uphill battle with the weight of the world on my back. And I know that sounds weird because it's not like I'm fighting for something that even matters on a global scale, but that's what it feels like.
I while back I decided that if I don't get into pharmacy school this year I'm going to apply for a job at DCF and be a child protection agent. I have a degree in Psych and I have the ability to obtain certification so I am qualified, and they are always looking for people. It's a good job and a noble profession, and while it isn't what I would choose if I had a choice I think I could be happy doing it. And I feel like if I don't get in then I need to do something to move forward with my life, and I felt better knowing that I had something to fall back on, something that would mean that I would not be stuck in this nothingness forever.
But since I made this decision things seem to be getting even worse, the hill is getting steeper and the world is getting heavier. It's almost as if God is trying to tell me that I'm aiming for something that isn't my calling. I mean with all the problems I'm having there must be some divine intervention going on, right?
The thing is, I know that I would be relatively happy as a social worker (except for the pay aspect), but I wouldn't be happy doing it and feeling like I got screwed out of the opportunity to be a member of the profession I chose, the one I spent a lot of time thinking about before I chose it. I would never be happy thinking what if. What if my transcripts from CFCC had just gotten there on time? It would be completely different if I was told I just wasn't good enough. But it wouldn't be okay if I never really got the chance.

I'm going to try to start writing shorter posts because I know I hate reading really long posts, but it always seems I need so many words to describe what it going on.

posted by Malissa at 11:12 PM