My Crazy Thoughts
my thoughts on various topics.

Yesterday I went to the grocery store to get all the stuff for fajitas. I was wearing my gator shirt and the check-out girl asked me if I was a gator fan while I waiting for credit card approval. And since I would have felt bad to just go along with it when I really don't have an attachment to the gator football team per se (I mean if they play I want them to win, but if they don't, as they didn't much this year, I'm not going to be all torn up about it.) I went ahead and told her I was a student there. And then she asked what I was studying and I told her I was in the pharmacy school and then she asked me if it was hard. I always have trouble with this question. I never know exactly what to say. I told her that yes it was hard, but that I had expected it. But this isn't completely true. The answer should be something like, YES! it's hard! And to say I expected it is not a little misleading. I expected it to be hard, but I also expected that I would still be able to do well, I would just have to put muself into it more. But this turned out to be rather false. There were some classes where it seemed like it didn't matter what I did, I still did badly, and the worse I did the worse I did. There were times when I couldn't believe that I was having this much of a problem. And then I was doing this and everyone was so sickeningly sweet and completely fake. "Oh, come on you're smart, it will be fine, you'll do great, only ___ more days." As if they had any idea. I got this line all the time, even when things were going well. It got to where I just turned off the pep talks because I would have started screaming. You can only deal with so much false praise before you get mad. Like when you get a bad hair cut that is obvious and everyone knows, including you, and then everyone goes on and on about how good it looks, and you're wondering if the rest of the world is aware that you have a mirror that you look in EVERY day.
I guess my point is that yes it was hard. And when people ask if it was hard it's still misleading to say that it was. I expected it to be hard, but I didn't expect it to be hard like that. And the worst year is yet to come.
And there is a moral. If you accidentally forget next year and ask me how things are going and I say they're okay, it is not a good idea to give me a pep talk.
And since when does anyone care anyway? No one cared when I was in undergrad, I never had to answer all these questions then.

posted by Malissa at 12:28 AM