My Crazy Thoughts
my thoughts on various topics.

So I heard tonight on the news that a judge ordered that Abu Ghraib will not be torn down, as Bush wanted, but will become a crime scene. I can't tell you how excited I am that there is some small chance that People will get in serious trouble for this and that the whole thing might come around to bite Bush in the Ass. Of course, his people will probably concoct some way for him to stay in the clear if they have to blow up half the world to do it but I was happy that there is a teeny-tiny chance. It probably means that I'm not a very good person that I would hope that some people's misfortune (to put it mildly) would reap such rewards but what's done is done, and there is nothing that can be done at this point to take it back. I just hope something will happen and we won't have to spend another 4 years with him as president. At the rate he is going there won't be much left of the world if he stays in control.

posted by Malissa at 10:41 PM | 0 comments |

Still not much going on. I haven't heard anything new from FAMU. I probably won't. I don't think I'll get in there anyway. I can only hope that one of my alternate lists pan out. But let's face it. It's not going to happen. Never in a million years would I have thought it would be this hard. Imagine if I had applied to med school. That was one of the reliefs when I decided not to go. I thought, well it won't be so hard to get into pharm school either. I was sure this was the way. Now I'm not so sure. I wish people would stop asking me what I'm going to do if I don't. I'm tired of having to tell people I haven't had any luck yet. It's embarrasing. It's as if everything I worked so hard to accomplish up to this point doesn't matter. I feel like when people ask and I have to tell them that they think, "Yeah right, look at her, she couldn't get in. What was she thinking?" If I really had been so successful up to this point it shouldn't be this hard. I feel like it doesn't matter. Like it doesn't matter how hard I worked, or how well I did because no one will believe it anyway. If I was someone else and heard my story I wouldn't believe it. I mean, how hard could it really be? Not as hard as it seems to be anyway.
I'm tired of thinking about it.

posted by Malissa at 9:06 PM | 0 comments |

Well, It's finally happened. And from the most unlikely source. I received my first rejection letter. Ever. Well, I received one from FAMU last year but that was on the first day of classes and only after I didn't make it from the waiting list to the list list. But this is the first time I've been turned down without any preamble. PBA sent me a letter today. I didn't get in. This surprises me and makes me a little nervous. If I couldn't even get in there then surely I can't get in anywhere else. People still ask what I'm going to do. I think they expect me to have plans because it seems like I have always had plans in the past. But I don't now. I don't know what to do. If I don't get in, which it is looking more and more like I won't, I don't really don't know what I'm going to do, and I really don't have any idea what I want to do. I suppose I am lucky to be spoiled and lucky to have a little leniency in deciding what to do. I'm very lucky to have a mother who will support me no matter what and who is incredibly understanding about this.
Recently it struck me that I'm not supposed to be able to choose my path in life, some people are, but I'm just supposed to fall into mine, and apparently it isn't quite time for me to fall yet, so I'm meant to be floating around in this abyss. Eventually I will find what it is and it will happen. Right?
I ordered a hammock about a week ago. If came today. I was with Lori and my mom called to tell me about the letter and the hammock so Lori came over and we put it together. We all took turn laying in it and being scared we would fall out. Later I took Lori home and when I came back I got a book and prepared to lie in the yard and read. And don't you know the hammock broke. So, now I have to go through the process of returning it and getting a new one. Judging from the amount of time it took for me to recieve the hammock this process could take a LONG time. I'll let you know how it goes. I was really excited about it and now I have to wait until I send it back and they recieve it and send me a new one. So much for enjoying a book in the shade, I probably won't get a new one until after vacation and then it will be too hot to think about being outside even in the dark.

posted by Malissa at 10:23 PM | 0 comments |