My Crazy Thoughts

2008-04-13T23:17:00.002-04:00

I haven't published anything in over a year, but I haven't forgotten about this blog. I did forget how to log in again, but i figured it out. Nothing too big had happened and I'd gotten tired of writing down my whole life. However, some new stuff has happened, I just haven't blogged about it. I met a boy and he is awesome. I graduate in 18 days. And I have no idea where I'm going to be living in a month.

2007-01-04T20:00:00.000-05:00

It's been so long since I blogged that I almost forgot my user name and password. I was surfing around to all the blogs that I used to read on a daily basis, and discovered that I haven't blogged in a long time. And before that it had been a long time too. I'm not sure why I haven't been up to posting the last year or so, I used to have so much I wanted to say, but I can never think of anything anymore. Or when I do have something to say, I don't want to post it because I know people who read this, or because it's pretty easy to find this with the right search terms. Who knows, maybe it is just temporary. I don't know. Classes start monday, and I have 2 chapters to read before then. Isn't that nice of them to start the first day of classes with 2 chapters to prepare for? Well, that's all for now.

Long time...no blog

2006-09-10T11:06:00.000-04:00

Still not a whole lot to say, but we'll see what I can do.
School has started again. And while I was hoping that 3rd year would be easier, it's really not. It's not because the material's harder, it's not, it's more because I never really know what's going on, and spend a lot of time trying to figure it out. And reading. There is sooooo much reading. And during the week I concentrate so hard on what comes next that I don't do all the rest of the work I was supposed to do, so I'm constantly in a state of catch-up.
New place to live and a new roommate this year. It's a nice place, in a really great location. And I would always recommend having a roommate in your year while in pharmacy school. It is so nice to just be able to turn around and ask a question of someone who is doing the same thing you are.
Had sushi last night, it was very good, and it's right next door, which is convinient. The roommate didn't really like it though, so I'll have to eat it alone or find another dinnermate. She was a really good sport about it though, and we all had a pretty good time.
I never post the names of people I know in here, with a few exceptions. And recently one of them contacted me. Which is really cool, because she was my best friend when we were kids and we had lost contact for a really long time. She seems to be happy where she is, and she is just about to finish up school and start a career that she really likes, which is very cool to me.
Our power has gone on and off about 5 times since starting this and I just had to reset the modem so I'm going to post this before I lose power all together or something...

Things that suck about my car

2006-04-12T23:36:00.000-04:00

1. Someone hit my car in the parking lot today and they didn't leave a note. Of course, you probably shouldn't even bother to check for a note if you are parked in the ghetto. It's not bad, but I made some poor policeman write a report anyway, even though he clearly wasn't happy about it. Luckily the insurance company is cool with me waiting a few weeks to get estimates. I'll probably end up just leaving it, my car isn't spotless anyway.

2. I drive a 4 cylinder economy car and today I put $42.25 worth of gas in it. That's only 7.3 miles per dollar!!!

Now for the good news: It still drives.

2006-04-07T14:50:00.000-04:00

So like, I have this blog for me. And recently I haven't posted at all. And it has a lot to do with the fact that nothing is going on. And if I write about stuff here then I won't have anything to say in real life.

But I figure that in a few years it might be good for me to remember things from now.

So here it goes. Last semester was hard on me. I spent the last few weeks of the semester in really bad shape. It was not fun and not something I ever want to repeat. This semester is better. Probably just because I'm used to it. But my grades are doing better so far, and hopefully I won't have such a crisis at the end of the semester. It's a pretty constant battle, and it's not very fun. One exams began this semester we have had at least 1 exam per week with the exception of maybe 2 weeks. One being the week after spring break, and they made up for that by having us take 2 enormous tests the next week. That was last week. I passed both of those exams, but one was just barely, and I only found out yesterday that I did pass when they posted a new key and I got an extra question right. It is not easy. Yesterdday I had a class at 8-10 am, and to be there on time I had to leave here by 7, which meant waking up at 5 to make sure I had everything, which was difficult because I was up until 2 preparing. I ended up leaving a few minutes early because it was a busy day and I wanted a little time to look over things before it began. In the 8 am class I had a taped final exam of a patient interview and I managed to get everything done in the allotted time, but just barely. At 10 I had another class, but luckily for me I have already presented in it, so I didn't have to use a lot of brain power in it. From 11-3 I studied for an exam I had at 7 pm. And at 3:30 I had another class from 3:30-4:30, I prepared for that class ahead of time, and knew that I wasn't supposed to be called on, but there is always that fear. Then I went to move my car, change out of my dress clothes, and pick up a snack before going back to study for that exam from 5-7. We were given 2 hours, but luckily I didn't need all of that time, of course I didn't do so well, we'll have to see how that comes out, it will be a few days. But I was home by 9pm. And I slept this morning until about 9:30.

Today I have a lot of lectures to catch up on. Let me count them. 25. Of course, I won't watch them all today. I don't have that many hours, and I don't need all of that information floating around in my head right now. But the work, it doesn't ever end. Having a minimum of 1 exam per week plus classes thrown in means I'm constantly putting things to the side so I can focus on something specific, and then playing catch up and starting all over again.

This is not something I will ever ever recommend to someone. If you want to be a pharmacist then go for it. It will be worth it, the job security alone makes it worth it. But some words that will never come out of my mouth are, "you know what you should do? You should be a pharmacist."

Spring Break

2006-03-17T01:15:00.001-05:00

Stuff I did over spring break:
-Washed my car (I still have to clean out the inside though)
-Had lunch with Michelle
-Downloaded firefox (and still trying to figure out why it's special)
-Crocheted 2 purses and 1 short hat
-Helped Nikky pick out baby presents for a friend of hers
-Had lunch at Applebee's 2 times (3 tomorrow)
-Peed in a cup
-Worried way too much about when the CVS orientation is going to be
-IMed Jenn once because she has laryngitis and can't talk
-Waded through HTML in order to coordinate vacation plans, while hoping I actually get to go.
-Laid in my hammock
-Took pictures of old pictures
-Went to the flea market

Things I didn't do over spring break
-Study
-Watch enough lectures
-See Brook or Lori
-Go to the bodies exhibit
-Read a book

Things I'm still planning on doing over spring break
-Go shopping because I think I lost a lot of clothes
-Hopefully see Brook and Lori, even though time is running out
-Clean out the inside of my car
-Go to Breakfast with family that is visiting
-Study
-Watch lectures
-Call Pentax, and hopefully I won't have to send my camera in
-Call Dell because I need more rubber feet thingies for my laptop

2006-03-06T16:05:00.000-05:00

Again, it's been a long time. But that's okay, because it's not like anything new has happened.I just don't have anything to talk about and I shouldn't even be posting right now, I should be making notecards, lots and lots of notecards. And besides it probably better if I don't say anything for a little while on here that is too controversial, because as it turns out I was not paying enough attention one day and while it wasn't an accident then it turns out it is now because I wrote my WHOLE, full name on here and now I'm searchable. Not just searchable but the very first hit that comes up with you seach me. Opps. I'll try to pay more attention next time, because while I don't really mind if people I know read this, I would rather know ahead of time that they may read it and I really don't want to publicize it. So, it's fixed now, but google and msn cache things for like ever and it's going to be a LONG time before I'm not quite so searchable anymore. In the meantime I'm just going to hope that no one I know will suddenly think to themselves, "hmm...I wonder if Malissa's on the internet?" And I think it will be okay because even though i do that sometimes I don't think other people do. At least not very often. Let's hope.

2006-02-05T00:17:00.000-05:00

Yesterday I called Jenn just after noon, we talked for a while and then someone they didn't know arrived at their house so she said she'd call me back later. They were going to go look at a house for Rodney and Marissa and then were going out to dinner later that night, so she'd call me after. I didn't really think she would and was sad that she didn't because I knew I wouldn't get to see her after all. But this morning she called and woke me up, which surprised me, to tell me that they were on their way to the airport. And she called again when she got home. She is very sick with a cold, but mentally I think she sounded much better than she had the last couple times I had talked to her. So that was a relief to know that she is doing better. I think a big part of it is that they are back home and there are other things to think about there. They have to get ready for work and they have normal life things to do again. She asked if I had read the articles in the newspaper and mentioned that there were a couple articles she would have liked to have. My mom had to foresight to save all the articles in the newspapers we get, so we have copies of everything. So I will send them to her. I always figured I would eventually but I had no idea when would be a good time, so I'm glad she asked, because now I don't have to decide. That's all for now.

2006-02-02T23:45:00.000-05:00

So...I told Tab that I'd let her know if I talked to Jenn and I did talk to Jenn, and then I left and forgot until now. So I guess I'll post it and hope that she reads this. I talked to Jenn. She sounded okay, but sad. I knew that the service in Arlington would be hard on her. On all of them. She said that she is waiting for a sign from him, a sign telling her that he's happy. But she also said it's causing her to rethink a lot of things, religous stuff, like whether there is a heaven. I think that the one thing you can always garauntee after the death of a loved one are questions about God and whatever comes next. I have my own thoughts on the issue, and I'll probably share them with her, but I think it's something that you have to come to on your own. So I didn't say anything on the phone. She also said that she had agreed to host a baby shower for a friend of hers, she needs to start planning it soon if that's what she's going to do, but I think she is rethinking whether she wants to. I'm sure that given the circumstances everyone would understand if she didn't, and someone would fill in, and I thought about saying that. But I think it might be good for her to do it, it will give her something to focus on, she can start celebrating life again instead of mourning loss. But...maybe it is too soon for that. I just don't know.

I tried to distract her with some silly gossip. Basically everyone I know here except Jenn has now broken up with their boyfriends. I'm happy being single, but they aren't so much...so it should be interesting. Oh, and Lori bought a house. I don't know how it went, I think we ended up back around to stuff going on there. And then some news people showed up and I guess they weren't expecting it so she wanted to go see what was going on. She said she'd call back, but she didn't. I didn't think she would really though. And after that I went to see Lori's new house.

She said that She and Charlie are flying out Saturday. The plane leaves about noon. Marissa and Noella are living here, they bought property next to the Flanagan's to build a house eventually. But Rodney leaves again on Monday. All along I've had a hard time imagining what they are really going through, but I think in this case Marissa has a pretty hard job. On Monday she has to let her husband be shipped back to the same place that, just two weeks ago, took the life of her brother.

Right now that's about all I can remember.

I hope she finds her sign soon. I hope they all do. And I think that Dennis will find a way to send one to them.

2006-01-30T21:33:00.000-05:00

I called Jenn tonight, but she didn't answer, I thought she might not because I'm not sure when they were traveling today. I left a message telling her she could call me if she needed to talk or if she needed a distraction. Of course, with the way things are going she'll probably call when I'm in class.

I have all the lectures I need to watch watched. Now I just have to actually study the material. I remember a day when i didn't have to study anything. Going to class was good enough for me to get at least a B. I'd kiss some pretty gross ground for a garanteed C. Plus, today I found out that on top of a class we have tomorrow evening we also have a review for the exam we have wed. So even less time to study. You'd think reviews would be helpful but at UF they don't help anything at all. Just a bunch of stupid questions asked by people who want to impress the instructor, or things that go over my head. Never a good sign. I'm not looking forward to the next few days. Then I'm going home Thursday evening and hopefully I'll get to see Jenn before she leaves Saturday.

Tomorrow is the service and burial in Arlington. I can't imagine how difficult it's going to be on them. They told a reporter from the Chronicle that he would be allowed to be at the service, I just hope that he keeps his distance and doesn't bother them. I wasn't real happy how close they were Friday. The articles they did were good though, and I think it's important for people to see that the military isn't always what they say it is. And I think it's important for him to be remembered.

I know that both Tab and I have told her to call if she needs us, and I hope that she does, but I think that after this she probably won't want to talk for a while. Charlie is a really good guy, I hope that him being there in person is enough for her.

2006-01-28T20:33:00.000-05:00

I don't really know what to say about the services. "They were nice," really isn't something I think can be said about such services. So I guess I'll say they were respectful. I can't say that I've never lost anyone close to me, but I've never been to a funeral so I never really knew what was going on. For me the visitation was the most difficult. It was open casket and that alone would have been uncomfortable, but I think more so because when I walked up it didn't look him at all. But I think the most difficult part was to see how much everyone was hurting. I still can't quite believe it. I think maybe it is because I never knew him well, and for the last several years the only news I heard about him was through Jenn, so to me, the fact that he's not here isn't much difference than it was before. But when talk of the future comes up, that's when it sort of hits. The worst part for me was when it occurred to Jenn, perhaps for the first time since finding out, that she was waiting to have her wedding ceremony for him to come home. It was important to her for them to all celebrate together. I didn't know what to tell her. What would be the right thing to say. I told her he'd be there. And she said she knew. But I still don't know what the right thing to say would be. I feel like I've spent nearly a lifetime already trying to not say the wrong thing. And I doubt I succeeded, but I just don't know. After the visitation everyone went back to Jenn's house (well, her parent's really, but I'll always think of it as her house). They toasted his life several times and had a generally good time. I only did shots for 2 of the toasts because I knew I was going to have to drive home, and this isn't the time to tempt fate. A girl I had never met, but was apparently very attached to him got very drunk, and we all spent a little time comforting her and helping her through the beginning of her sickness. I did get a chance during that time to tell Charlie that I thought he had been great this week. When they got married I was very worried, but this week I've been very relieved to know that she has someone there with her, someone who is as good a person as he is. Then I went home.
The next morning was the church service. My mom agreed to watch the baby, so she followed me over to the house and since the other Melissa was also going alone we decided to go together. We went to the funeral home first and then followed the processional to the church. A group of veteran motorcyclists were at the beginning of the processional because there were fears that there would be protestors there. And I'll have to say right now that that is the most horrible thing I have ever heard of, and maybe someday I'll be able to put that into words in a way that will do it justice. There were no protestors on that day though. And for that we will all be eternally grateful. As we drove up we saw fire trucks set up with the ladders extended with a flag hung between them. The service was good. There was no traditional eulogy. He was a writer and two of his poems as well as his reasons for enlisting were read aloud. Jenn and her husband read passages from the bible and her sister sang an Irish lullaby. It was good even though the organist broke in after the first couple words and sang louder than her and different words. While I wish she could have sung alone a little longer I think it broke some of the tension for a little while, she was able to smile while she sang and we all joined in during the parts that were on the sheet provided in the pew. Personally I did well during the service, I only teared up a few times, even when the priest was so overcome he had to take a moment. After the church service we all went outside the church where a military chaplain gave a sermon of his own. When we got back to Jenn's house, Jenn talked about how long his sermon was and mentioned how he had blown the wind to let the chaplain know that he was being long winded, and I didn't think of it then, though I noticed the wind, but I really like the thought of it. What really got me though was when they fired the 21 gun salute. With the first shot the tears began to fall. Some friends of the family played taps and a bagpiper played Amazing Grace. Then came the folding and presentation of the flag. They were so strong through it all. They were amazing. Afterwards we went back to Jenn's house. After a while Jenn went to sleep, and shortly after I decided to go home and get some sleep too. I left word for her to call me when she woke up, figuring I would go back when she woke up, but when I woke up and she hadn't called I called her and she said not to come because she would be going to sleep early. But she said she'd see me today. She said she'd call when she was up, but after lunch I called her and she said she was about to sleep again. When I called later because she hadn't called me back, and I needed to tell her I am leaving for Jacksonville tomorrow afternoon, because I wasn't sure if she knew, she was eating so I didn't talk for long. I told her I'd be back Thursday afternoon/evening. They will be going to Arlington for the service and burial there on Tuesday and she'll be back after, but she leaves to go back home Saturday, so I hope I get to see her again before she goes home. I was hoping I'd get to see her again before I left for Jacksonville. I just can't tell how she is really doing over the phone (not only can I not see her but if I call her cell phone--if she answers--it breaks up and I miss things that she says, or if I call the house phone, I can hear all the people talking behind her better than I can hear her), it's hard enough for me to decide in person. I'm not sure if she's really been sleeping as much as it seems the last two days or if she doesn't want to talk (to just me or anyone), or if she feels that me going over there is putting me out and she doesn't want to do that. To top it all off I'm starting to have some panic attacks about school and being prepared for an exam I have next week as well as getting enough done to look prepared for my other classes, so I probably couldn't tell how she was really feeling if she wore a sign telling me. But to Tab...I've been calling her several times a day the last few days, I don't know if it bothers her or them, she hasn't said, but I hope that it was quieter there today, with less interruptions, I hope she really was able to get some sleep. I don't think they are leaving tomorrow, so if you want to call while she's still at home it would probably would be better to do it then. If you do, could you let me know what you think about how she is doing?
I can't find the words to describe how strong they have been through all of this. I know that on the inside they are really torn up, but they don't show it on the outside. I think he'd be very proud of them all. I know if he had the choice he would have chosen to come home when this was all over and live his life, but I think that if he knew how the end would be he would have been proud of the way things have been done. He'd have been proud of them.
I just wish I knew what to do for them.

2006-01-27T20:31:00.000-05:00

Sorry for the radio silence. It's been a little crazy preparing to miss school and getting back here and doing all the things that are done when this kind of horrible thing happens. Jenn and her family are doing okay. Anyone who knows them knows they are amazing, strong, caring, kind people, but I'm not sure anyone could know that those qualities would rise up in such an amazing way during this kind of heart ache. They are truly amazing people and they are hanging in there. I've attended all the services that I will attend. I will not be in Arlington, but they will be in my thoughts. I think I have to spend a little more time wrapping my mind around things before I can post more. I just wanted to post a little note in case anyone was wondering.

2006-01-23T21:53:00.000-05:00

I talked to Jenn again tonight. Over the weekend I had called her at least twice a day to see how she was doing. But today I had class and quite frankly I wasn't sure if it was making it worse. When I called she would stay on the line and talk, but she didn't really say much, and I could always hear people in the background talking, and I wasn't sure if it would be better for her to be interacting with them or stuck on the phone with me. But it was important to me for her to know that I am here for her and that I care about her so I called her. I'm glad I did. She is still upset, but she sounded better. And I felt like she was happy I called. She said that they had a lot of news people over today. And she told me some of the plans. They are going to have an Irish wake Thursday, and the service friday and the grave-side service will be next tues in arlington. At least that's what it looks like. I told her I would be at the wake and the service. I have no idea what an irish wake is. I don't know if there's anything i'm supposed to do, any traditions that should be followed or even what to wear. I've never been to a funeral before so I don't really know what to expect but it is not as much of a question mark as the wake. I talked to someone at school and it looks like I won't have a problem missing classes. I still have to e-mail a professor but it looks good. The information has been released and it's on the department of defense web-site and my mom e-mailed me a link to a short article on baynews 9. There should be more tomorrow. I think it's good that they are covering it, people should know what's happening, that it's not good. And more importantly he should be remembered. It's still so odd, even seeing his name in print with a picture it doesn't seem real, like any minute I'll find out I just dreamed it up. He was only 22 and had so much life in front of him. I'm just glad we have the opportunity to remember him properly.

2006-01-22T15:36:00.000-05:00

I'm still having trouble believing it. I don't know how they can deal with it and accept it if I can't even believe it. Maybe it's because he wasn't part of my everyday world. They are very strong people that are showing a great deal of courage throughout this whole thing. I don't know that I could. Jenn flew in yesterday morning. I didn't know she'd be able to get here so fast. Charlie came with her, which made me feel better, I hate the thought of them being alone right now. When I talked to her she was already in Orlando, she would have been home before I could have been if I had left right then. I thought about going home, but it just seemed better to stay here. If it was me, I know that the last thing I'd want to do is feel like I need to entertain guests. And I didn't want to be that for them. I'm also behind in school right now, I knew I had the weekend so I let things slide, now it seems that I shouldn't have done that. So I figured it would be better for me to stay here and catch up so that I can be there when I need to be, rather than go there and feel like I was in the way. She said the service for him will probably be at the end of the week. So when she knows when I will make plans to be there. They think they will bury him in Arlington, so there will be a grave-side service for him there. I wish I could make it to that, but I don't think school would let me. I think as it is I'm going to have to fight a little to get a day off to go to citrus county. Monday-Thursday this week we have classes that can't be made up. But I think that they will not have a problem excusing me from whatever I need to be excused from. I really don't think that it will be a problem, but this program is so crazy, I'm afraid they will tell me that I won't be excused because it's not next of kin or something. And how aweful is it that my plans are made always with the thought of how things are going to affect my schooling? Even at a time like this I have to consider how I'm going to get around it. If I had a regular job right now I could have just called in, explained and gotten leave. But with school they know they have a captive audience who just commited $20,000 to the school year so they can demand anything they want of us.
I just know I have to be there. I can't not be there. It's bad enough that I'm not there now. So they will have to work with me.
They are being so strong. Yesterday they called the people they thought would want to know, so they could tell them personally before it was announced on the news. An amazingly considerate act, that I don't think anyone would ever expect, but one that is greatly appreciated, even more considering how difficult it must be. Today they have started to go through his things and put things in order. I think it's good for them to all be together, good that they were all able to get there so fast.

2006-01-20T22:35:00.000-05:00

Jenn called me tonight. I knew as soon as I answered the phone that something was wrong, but I had no idea. Her brother was killed in Iraq. She was upset, and I couldn't make out all the details of what happened. I couldn't think of a single thing to say other than, "I'm sorry," I'm so sorry. What do you say at a time like this. I told her to call whoever she needed to and come home and be with her family. I was completely useless, I had no idea what to say, and I have no way of getting there to be with her. When they all joined the various arms of the military I ranted and raved (not to them so much as myself) about it, about how it was dangerous, and unpredictable, and a bad idea. But through all of that I never considered it would really happen. Not to them. Not so close. Never so close. I never considered what I'd say if it did. What I'd do if it did. I'm in complete shock. I can't imagine what she is feeling, what they are all feeling. I don't know what to do for them. I know there is nothing I could do to make it better, but there should be something I can say. And I don't know what it is. What do you do? What do I do? How can something like this happen to such amazing people?

Irreconcilable Difference

2006-01-19T17:27:00.000-05:00

Every pair of dress pants I own is a petite size. I drive my car with the seat rolled all the way back. How the universe reconciles these differences is beyond me.

2006-01-15T20:36:00.000-05:00

I have been a negligent blogger recently. And I have neglected a good deal of stuff. When the semester was over, I took a little time to do pretty much nothing. Nikky tore her ACL and had surgery on it a couple days before I got home, and the cat was sick, so aside from getting Nikky stuff to eat and force feeding the cat I spent a lot of time crocheting and reading and laying in my hammock. It was nice. But now I'm back. And I have lectures to watch. Blah. I finished 2 scarves, for Jenn and Charlie for Christmas, and I worked a lot on mine, but I'm not finished with it yet, I think I want it longer, but I'm out of yarn, so I need to go see if I can find a color match. If I can't then I guess that takes care of that. But it's very soft and I really like it. I thought I might be a faster crocheter than I am, so I wanted to do some other things, but I didn't get to it. Right now I'm working on a 3rd scarf in peace fleece that my mom said she would like to have. Originally I thought about making it for an aunt who said she liked scratchy wool, but the pattern I'm using is very skinny so I don't think it would do her much good since she lives in Illinois and it's really cold there. It will provide a little warmth and I think the pattern is cute, so I'm glad that mom wants it.
At first I didn't like the peace fleece much because it was so scratchy, but I have since decided that I do like it. I like it better when it is used in a tighter pattern, the ones I made for Jenn and Charley were a mesh-type pattern, the one I'm making now is more solid, and while it's still scratchy, I like the texture better. I wouldn't use it for a sweater though. The yarn I'm using for my scarf is a single ply wool blend from sensations by Joann (the store), and it's very soft. It's a pretty off white that I think will go with a lot of things. I can't wait until it's finished. And finally, a picture.

The blue is the scarf I'm working on now. It's actually a deeper blue, not navy, definitely a royal blue, but not nearly as bright as in the picture. The white is the scarf I'm making for me. It's not nearly as white, more of an off white/maybe winter white. And the hooks are the ones I bought on ebay, and they are awesome. and much prettier than the picture shows, in my opinion.

2006-01-09T20:00:00.000-05:00

Well, so today was the first day of classes. Technically I just had lectures. And...if I never had to go to campus I don't think this would be so bad, but since we do, and that takes up hours of the day, and then you feel like the day should be over, I can tell we are going to be busy.

I got here last night and I'm already homesick. I want to be back home, reading a book, or crocheting or sitting and watching TV or rent a movie with my mom, and I want to be able to see the cats. I miss that already.

I don't think I mentioned it but one of our cats is sick. He has hepatic lipidosis and you can look that up but basically it's a liver problem and one of the effects causes him to not eat or drink...and the treatment is to eat. So he's being force fed. The usual treatment is for the vet to insert a feeding tube surgically and then for the owner to feed the cat through that tube several times a day for 6 weeks to 3 months. But it is very expensive and doesn't always work, so the next option is force feeding, which is what we chose. For a few days over break we thought he was doing very good and would get better but then he took a big step back and also starting being even more difficult to feed. But when I left he seemed to be improving some. The prognosis is generally not too good, but it may be a good sign that he is still alive and seems to be improving some. But this has been going on since a couple weeks before break. So about 5 weeks... And I feel bad because now mom has to do all the feeding on her own and she's working, and dealing with a sick cat. But maybe with everyone gone during the day the cat will sleep more and have more time where he isn't afraid he's going to be held down with an eye dropper shoved in his mouth and he will start feeling better? Maybe? Maybe he'll get hungry during the day and eat some on his own? Maybe?

Also, I got that hook. And I am a bad person and haven't left feedback, I'll do that now. But it is gorgeous. It's black pearl and ruby and the black part is like a silvery shimmer color. And it's sooo small. I'm going to make socks with it. Someday.

2006-01-03T21:57:00.000-05:00

Also, I won another beautiful hook on Friday. It's rosewood and black pearl. And it's a G, which is smaller than my others. I'm excited about it and can't wait to see it.

Also, I took Jenn and Charlie their scarves yesterday and they seemed to like them, I hope they did. I forgot to take a picture though! AND then when I took Brook home she gave me a Christmas gift...it was a scarf! It's pretty, and it even smells pretty. So it's a year for scarves. And it was a crazy coincidence. When I came home I told Nikky and she laughed because she knew I had just made some for Jenn and Charlie. But I felt bad too because I just sent Brook a card. But I think that if I see her again before I go back to school I'm going to take her a skein of peace fleece because I still have 2 and I don't have any plans for them yet. It's even funny because I made Jenn and Charlie blue scarves and the one brook gave me is blue too.

2006-01-03T20:47:00.000-05:00

I'm having some anxiety about school starting tonight and I'm not sure why because when the semester ended I was actually feeling really good and I thought it would carry over. But for whatever reason it's hitting tonight, just a little, but it's making me worry that I'll have anxiety like I did at the end of the semester all semester long. And I'm not sure I can deal with that. I think that that is what it is...I'm getting worried that school will always be like it was those last few weeks. And I have what seems like so much going on, or at least it seems like I'm dealing with so many people and I get worried that I said something wrong, or should have said something, or I look stupid, and the biggest is that I'm going to dissapoint someone, let them down. Which may be what started all this. So I'm going to work on it.

But I don't think I'm ever going to be excited about school starting again.

Jenn is here for the week, she got here new years eve early, and I still hadn't seen her so yesterday afternoon I went to her house to hang out and then I went to dinner and a movie with Lori and Brook. Lori is planning to buy a house and Brook is very depressed, which is totally normal. I drove her home since I live in Homosassa and it's on the way and she was getting more depressed because the night was ending and she said it's worse at night, and I think that's the way it is for everyone, and she talked aboutt how hard things were and she said she just wanted to know what made him change his mind and I just didn't know what to say. I just don't know why he would do that, why he would be so mean. This is one of those things only he can know and I doubt he even knows why he did things the way he did. I wish she could just fast forward through all this and get to the part where it gets better, because that's what they say, it gets better. It just never seems to until it's better. Then she showed me her new place, it's nice, 2br 1bath. And a friend gave her a new couch, it's really nice and looks like it's new. It's purple, and is totally her style, so that's cool. Tonight mom and Nikky and I went to Outback for dinner. It was really good, and I'm glad I got to go, with school I don't get to come home that often and even though I've been home a lot during break it's not the same as actually just spending time together. I can't wait until I'm not in school anymore, so I can see people whenever I want and talk to them whenever I want. I called Jenn this afternoon to see if she wanted to do anything tonight, but she was sleeping so I told her I was going to dinner with mom but I wasn't doing anything tonight and she said she'd call me, but she never called me, so I thought she probably was busy with her family...but then I called her and I think she had forgot that I called until I called again. Tomorrow they are going to Universal and will be back Thursday night and Friday she is spending time with her Grandma, I hope I get to see her again before then because I would feel bad if she came all this way and then I only saw her once, but it just seems like things are crazy right now, she's trying to spend time with everyone she can and I'm doing the same thing because she's leaving Saturday and I'll be leaving here Sunday. But I really don't want to leave. I'm going to make an effort to make next semester different so that I don't have this dread anymore, I'm just not sure it will work.

I'm really sorry for all the long rambly posts that sounds all depressed and freaked out. I'm not actually like this, it's just that posting helps settle things and since I haven't been posting very often I have a lot to post about and then once I start with the venting it seems like everything has to be vented about.
Blogging does help make it better, I highly recommend it.

2006-01-01T22:18:00.000-05:00

So...I have the same ATM card I got when I opened the account when I was in High School. And...I graduated high school in '99 so...well you get it. It's just a debit card. Not one of those new fangled visa check cards. I got one of those too when I opened the account but they said that after a year it wouldn't be free anymore and they had to send it to me, but I got the debit card right away so by the time I got the check card I was used to using the debit card so I decided I didn't need it AND a check card. SO I never activated it, though it's probably around here somewhere. So anyway, I ran out of cash yesterday and I was at Publix and I figured I'd go the the ATM right outside, and that's when I discovered that my card is broken. So tomorrow, I have to go to the bank to get a new card AND cash because tomorrow night I have to go to dinner with Lori and Brook and Jenn is here and I haven't done more than talk to her on the phone for a little bit and I need to see her, but I haven't (because it seems like there is a lot to do and I don't want to get her sick with this stupid, horrible cold) and I can't tomorrow night because I'm having dinner and a movie with Lori and Brook and they really don't get along with Jenn and I don't think that Brook would be all excited about eating with Jenn and Carlos because they're happily married and she just broke up with Jack and they had been together for a LONG time, but he's an ass and she finally broke things off with him and while they wouldn't do it on purpose it would probably be like rubbing it in her face because that's what couples do when they are together. So, hopefully Tuesday because Wed and Thurs they will be in Orlando and I'm not sure the exact date they are leaving but I have to go back to jax on Sunday and Sometime in there I have to go to Outback with Mom and Nikky but Nikky doesn't want to on Wed because that's her Birthday and not Thurs because she wants to celebrate that day with her Friends and then it's snowbird season so Fri, Sat, and Sun aren't all that good for Outback, so I'm not sure when we'll do that, but I actually want to do that, so we'll figure it out.

And...Can I just say that I hope Lori hasn't ever been with her new boyfriend when Brook was around because when I went with Lori to that wrestling match (of all things) because he was coaching and she didn't want to go alone and then we ended up there early and so they had time to talk and they spent like 10 minutes in this private lovey conversation while I was standing there trying to avert my eyes and twiddling my thumbs and I didn't even just break up with someone and I was uncomfortable and then the guy didn't say hardly anything even though I tried to talk to him and I'm not all that talky so I was REALLY trying and he just answered my questions with the most basic answers and then silence. And wow, was that whole thing wierd not to mention I was forced to watch little boys wrestle, and wow, if I have kids wrestling is something they won't be allowed to do.

Oh, and I've been sick, and I'm lazy on top of it, so I'm not the most motivated I've ever been, and so this week before I go back into the pits of hell (well it feels like that sometimes) I have lots to do. And I don't want lots to do. But I do want to see Jenn and go to Dinner with my mom and know that even though Brook is sad she knows that I care. And I want to sleep, and finish at least the book I'm reading now and the rest of this ball of yarn for my scarf (I'm going to get another ball because I think it should be longer).

And that's all for now, because I'm going to go to bed and read some of this book and then sleep, and tomorrow when I wake up I'm going to be less sick.

Oh, and I have to get Nikky a gift for her Birthday.

2005-12-30T11:09:00.000-05:00

So...I finished 2 scarves. I'm planning on giving them to Jenn and Charlie for Christmas, luckily they won't be here until the weekend, because I just finished them yesterday. They are matching colors, but different pattern, but the pattern kinda matches too. Hopefully it's not too cutesy. They are both baghdad blue Peace Fleece. I hope they both appreciate the sentiment. I'm thinking I should also get them a gift certificate to somewhere, since I'm not sure if they will actually use the scarves or if they will just be space-taker-upers. I don't know. Pictures later, maybe.

Merry Christmas!

2005-12-25T22:54:00.000-05:00

I hope everyone had a lovely day today. I know I did. Sat around and basked in my wonderful gifts. I got a PDA, and for a few hours was horribly afraid, though uneccesarily, that it would never be able to to sync with my e-mail and I just didn't have any idea why. But I called Dell (it's an Axim) on Christmas no less, and it took me a while on hold and a while with a technician, but I spoke to two people whom I understood very well AND my problem was solved...ON CHRISTMAS. I know people give dell a lot of flack but I've had pretty good experiences with them so far.

My mom got me a gorgeous sweater that I'm going to enjoy wearing very much and pattern a day crochet calender. And my mom is either psychic or she really did go out in the middle of the night last night to get me a food processor. There has been at least two times in the last week, one time being just last night, when I determined that we NEED a food processor, and what do you know, I got one today. Tomorrow (maybe) I'm either going to make mocha macadamia nut shortbread cookies or some truffles (I'll post the recipe if I get a copy of it). My aunt sent me a voo doo kit, and I am just heathen enough to know that I'm probably going to enjoy owning it.

And...I've gotten to enjoy just being home and relaxing this last week. It's been a really great Christmas, I hope everyone had as good a holiday as I did.

Merry Christmas!

2005-12-24T15:00:00.000-05:00

I've been a bad blogger lately, and eventually I'm sure I will do a better job. Until then I wanted to wish everyone a Happy Holiday Season.
Tonight I will be celebrating Christmas with my family.

Merry Christmas, Channukah, Kwanzaa, and anything I left out.

The lowdown

2005-12-17T23:16:00.000-05:00

So here's the deal. Going into finals I had a lot to worry about. There were a lot of chances that finals would pull down my grades so far that I would end up with some consequences that I'm hoping I never have to face, but realise given my prior performance are pretty far inside the realm of possibility. The only REAL worry was in my two biggest credit courses. There was a little worry in another because though I had an A going in, the final was worth 50% of our grade and so there was a possibility that I could fail just based on that one exam, and it didn't help that it was a 10am and we had a HUGE exam at 2pm the day before. I narrowly missed a D in one class. And I was able to pull it out on the final and get a B on it, which ensured me a C in the class, and if he is nice enough to curve just a big I may have a C+ or a B (please). I can hardly remember the time when I would have been horrified by Cs anymore. And I can assure you that when I was checking grades and I saw that in the first C class I had a C I nearly threw a party. The other class allowed us to take our exams with us so that we could check it against the key that was posted later. I didn't check it for 2 days because I was so worried that I had done poorly. It's one of those classes where, you just never can tell how it's going to go and they always test us on some aspect of the material that we didn't really know or understand the difference between that and something they did cover. It's crazy and nerve wracking. But I was lucky and managed a B. I also spent a lot of time supressing panic attacks so that I could study for it like crazy. And so this whole long explanation is because I went into finals pretty sure that I would walk out with 2 more Ds. We're only allowed 3 before we have to start retaking classes and I have 1, so that put me in a rather bad spot. I don't want anyone to think that I exaggerating or putting myself down, or unaware of my abilities. I was very lucky on a good deal that week along with my hard work. It probably didn't hurt any that we did psychiatric disorders during finals considering I was a psych major. While we never studyed anything like we studyed for these finals I was at least more familiar with the basic disease states and some of their symptomology. The fact that I didn't get any Ds this semester (at least I'm pretty sure about that) is also a big relief for next semester which is supposed to be even more difficult. It gives me a little leeway. And it should (maybe?) pull my GPA up a little, little bit. Trust me, the anxiety and the panic and the crazyness were well deserved and It probably won't be the last time it happens. But at this point I'm more than excited about my grades. So, yeah, I did okay, not stellar by any means, but well enough that I'm really happy with myself right now.

I'll spell check tomorrow.

Retraction

2005-12-15T00:30:00.000-05:00

I hereby withdraw my previous wish that grades spontaneosly combust. Bring them on baby.

2005-12-09T22:06:00.000-05:00

I've spent a decent chunk of my life trying to decide what it is I'm supposed to do with it. And I have decided that, while I may not like it, this MUST be what God wants me to do. I'm not a bible thumping person, and sometimes I have issues with Him, but I think that if I was supposed to do something else then it should have been obvious to him by now that I didn't get them memo and he should do something a little more obvious to get my attention.
And so, with this, I'm putting it in His hands tomorrow, I've done all I can. And while it's nowhere near enough, because I took the practice test, all I can do now is hope that it turns out okay. I'm going to bed now. I'll be up in 6 hours, and at 10am I will probably be having the biggest anxiety attack to date. I just hope no one notices when I start crying during the exam. It's a possibility.

And with that said, I really want next Friday to come, and then I want grades to spontaneously combust so I never have to find out how I did. And I want to go home. And I want to be NORMAL.

2005-12-09T18:03:00.000-05:00

This morning was a rather depressing morning. It was overcast outside, I have a nial tomorrow morning that I'll never be ready for, my cat's sick, and school is a constant worry... But when I opened my door I found this:

And then I went downstairs and found this:

Which just goes to show that I have a pretty awesome roommate.
And then this evening I got this:

But Thank you mom, it's very pretty, and it made my day. And thank you for the comment too.

Because you can never post about hooks too often?

2005-12-08T23:04:00.000-05:00

So...of course I watch Papa Don H's ebay store. And he put a new style of hooks out there, and I am considering one. They are shorter than normal, so I'm not sure if I will even like them. I'm not really sure I'll like the ones I've already bought, I mean, I think I will, but who knows? Maybe I'll lose interest soon anyway. But the hook is pretty, and no one had bid on it in a couple of days. Someone's bid on it now, but only one person, so if it rolls around to auction end time and no one else has bid on it then I will, just on principle. And tonight they put up this one. It's so pretty, but I just bought a P hook and while I already have an idea for it's use, I don't know how much use I have for a bunch of big hooks, so the fact that it is a N is no so much in it's favor. So maybe I'll just request that they make me a smaller one in that color. I'm already making a list of what I want to request. This color is one of them.

Okay, back to studying. One more week.

2005-12-07T22:32:00.000-05:00

My "stuff I want" list is so huge but really right now I'd go without it all if I could just get Cs and higher. No Ds!(or Es). Please!
Please. Please. Please.Please.

How is it that I never foresaw this much trouble? It really doesn't help to be told not to study too hard when you know you'll be lucky to pull a C. When you know that all you need are 3 more Ds and then your whole world stops and halfway reverses. A whole year wasted. It just makes me mad when people are so sure I'll do okay. As if they know my test scores. You have no idea. Placation doesn't help. It makes it worse, because then I have to think about what I will say when I have to take this year over again. I think the very worst part would be the learning the new people. Finding new study buddies and figuring out who to ask when I have a question. The knowing that everyone knows that I'm the dumb one.

But since no one is going to give me the option to either pass or get some of the stuff on my stuff I want list I'm going to write my list.
The stars denotes stuff I'm probably going to buy.

Possibly 2 skiens. *For a scarf for Jenn (and maybe a second scarf for someone else)
2 Skiens for a pair of socks for me.
And, I also want some pink variegated sock yarn for some breast cancer awareness socks that I found a pattern for and have e-mailed Brook to beg her to teach me to knit.
And I have a pattern for a shrug, I just can't decide what to do it in.
And I have an idea for a shawl/poncho but I have to find a yarn for it too.
...
And I'm worried that if I order it I will then incur the wrath of the universe and most definitely fail, so maybe I'll just wait until grades come out to decide.
And I'm tired now, so I think I'll sleep and think more clearly in the morning.

Oh, and I just got an e-mail from the Ozarktwist people. They received payment and will ship my hooks Friday, which means they will hopefully be waiting for me when I get home.

I hope everyone has very specific Christmas lists because I'm not really very creative this year and I don't have very much time to think up great things.

Ebay is MADNESS!

2005-12-03T19:50:00.000-05:00

I don't know how to knit but...

Still considering this for when I get home. Or maybe just biting the bullet and doubling.

And don't forget the OzarkTwist Gator colored hook by Papa Don H. The more I look at it the more I want it...

2005-12-03T11:26:00.000-05:00

I read a lot of blogs. A while ago I was reading a mommy blog that led me to a adoption blog which brough up some issues and led me eventually to a surrogate mom blog. And I was like, "whoa, there's a whole community of surrogate mothers out there who are blogging?" Of all the things I would have thought I could find on the internet that wasn't in my realm of thought. But very interesting. There are discussion boards etc... Who would have thought? http://lynleew.blogspot.com/. Homegirl has a sitemeter so I'm not going to directly link it. But that is where I ended up. I didn't look around much because I ended up going from there to a surrogate mom site. Seriously, I never dreamed that there were so many surrogate mothers in the world. I mean, have you ever met one? Wierd.

Today because I'm crazy I decided to do a blog search for Ozarktwist because I wanted to see if anyone out there in internet land had blogged about the hooks. It came up with only 1 blog. But people. I immediately recognized the name as one of the people I've been bidding against for the past week. And I saw some of the pictures she took of her hooks after the arrived and I still can't wait to see them. So after I checked out all of her pages that were linked on the search page I went to her main page and then her November posts to see if she had said anything else about the hooks, but mainly to see if she had said anything about the other bidders, because I know I have been. She hasn't posted anything about the other bidders, but something was very familiar and suddenly I realized that it was the same blog!
The world, it gets smaller and smaller. I need a statistician to tell me the odds of this.

2005-12-03T01:22:00.000-05:00

Still so excited about my ebay win and can't wait to see my new hooks. Only 2 weeks to go.

But mixed in with my win is bad news that one of our cats is sick. There is nothing I can do from here, and it's just a waiting game to see what happens next. At this point he needs to eat, and since he hasn't had a problem with that before I'm hoping that it won't be so much of a challenge, at least not an impossible one. So, as I said, we wait and see.

On my end, I have a bunch of finals that are scaring the bejeezahs out of me. The name of the game here people is, "No Ds (or Fs(or Es, as UF calls them))!" We'll see how that goes. I really don't want to have to repeat a year. Not only is it a big giant waste of time and money, but I can't imagine living through the embarrassment of explaining to everyone why it will take longer, as it is when people ask how much longer they get this look when I tell them like, "So...you're just never going to finish school?" So...No Ds!

Bed now.

Out of Control

2005-12-02T22:19:00.000-05:00

So, I didn't post as often as I thought I might, but it was mostly because I was trying really hard not to hyperventilate. It was horrible. To much stress. But on the up side I paid way less than I thought I was going to have to. I got the pretty turquoise and ruby one, and the natural nutmeg one. I'm very excited to get them, and I only have to pay shipping once. Such a relief that it's over. Talk about 72 hours of suspense. But then tonight they posted this one, and I probably wouldn't like it except that I'm a Gator, so I think I might need it.

Let the Games Begin

2005-12-02T19:21:00.000-05:00

Tonight is the night people. Be prepared for numerous updates on stuff you really don't care about. The girly bidding on my Torquoise and rosewood already won one in the same color just a different size AND she paid almost $50.00 for it! Why would she want another the exact same color when there are so many different colors to choose from? I'm worried.

2005-12-01T21:41:00.000-05:00

I just posted, but I couldn't not post about this. So...for like ever...I could never find my blog on MSN, as far as it was concerned my blog didn't exist, even though it had been around for a couple YEARS. But I must have been crawled or whatever you call it recently because I've gotten a couple hits from there. The first was for the search, "Malissa" and while I was surprised to see msn on my list, I was not amazed. But when I clicked over to the search page I was AMAZED. I'm number 1. Yea! Also a little scary because if someone wanted to find me it would be so easy now. But even more scary is that today someone got my by searching "hashbrown casserole" and OH MY GOD! doesn't that sound good? Now I have a craving, but even more interesting than the fact that I really want some hashbrown casserole right now is that I'M the MSN number 1 search for Hashbrown casserole. How did this happen?

Mmmmm, Hashbrown casserole.

Don't Panic

2005-12-01T19:24:00.000-05:00

Okay, so I was going to title this post just "Don't Worry" and it's really more apt, but then I was reminded of Hitchhiker's Guide (which I read and then saw this summer), and so I changed it. The book was better, though my mom didn't like it.
Anyway, Don't Panic, my obsessions usually only last a few months or so and then I get new ones, they don't always go away completely, but mostly. But until then...I think a scarf for Jenn made out of this, would be nice (AND I'd have a lot left over for more) and I think I would like a really wide scarf drapey type thing made out of this. I also think I might want to attempt a shrug in a similar yarn, but first I think I'll try one in a easier to work with yarn so that I can figure out what I'm doing without fighting with the yarn. So...add those to my list. I hope it doesn't take too long to crochet a scarf because I'm already planning a few of them.

Also...my sister tore her ACL becuase she didn't read this. She is having surgery on the 14th, and I'm getting home a couple days later.
I always want to bake cookies, but never have the motivation or the ideas. But this year I will have a captive audience (read: physically unable to leave audience) and so I think I'm going to make cookies and then talk her into decorating them. So...recipes would be good, preferably ones that taste good, and maybe have some decorating or sugar coating or SOMETHING involved with them. I also wouldn't mind a stand mixer. And...I want to make elairs or cream puffs, so I'm needing a recipe for them too. Again, a good one. One with Chocolate on top. And not icing in the middle.

That's all for now.

Swoon

2005-11-30T21:51:00.000-05:00

Trying not to hyperventilate here people. They posted more hooks! I don't think I can handle this. I want this one too. And now I don't know how I'm going to keep myself from paying more money than I want to pay. So...in case you lost count there are now 3 on my want list, and 2 on my considering list. And...someone bid on the nutmeg one, but I checked her feedback and didn't see any hook at all, and nothing was very expensive, so I'm pretty sure I have her beat, the teal and rosewood may be a problem and now I want the amazon one. Plus...the mossy brook is pretty and the black pearl and ruby isn't bad either. Whatever shall I do?

Ack!

2005-11-29T22:25:00.000-05:00

I've been lamenting this evening because for the last days they hadn't posted any new hooks and who wants hair sticks? But tonight, a little later than normal they posted 4. 4!!! And they are gorgeous. The only problem is that they are not the exact sizes I would choose. But I'm going to bid on 2 I think.
this one. And this one. I have a plan. I'm not going to bid right away this time. I'm going to wait until semi-last minute and then bid high and hope that they can't outbid me before time it up. Sneaky, I know. The first one it actually a great size for me because it's only 1 size smaller than they one I'm working with now and the 2nd is the same color that I've been coveting. So we'll see.

this one is also really nice and I would normally bid on it too, but I think I shouldn't get too crazy since I've never used one and I may not like them. You never know.

2005-11-28T22:06:00.000-05:00

This is the one I'm working on now. If you can't tell it is green and purple (lilac?) squares. It will be 4x4 squares. The one I finished took much longer to complete because it was done completely in slip stitch and is a baby color multi with a white border and is much bigger because I must have been crazy when I did the first row; it's also not square because the last part is a tighter stich than the first part...opps. I can't show it to you now because I left it at home and I'll be here for the next few weeks.

2005-11-28T21:16:00.000-05:00

I'm back in Jax tonight. And not too excited since this is the beginning of what is going to be a few killer weeks. I just hope I can stay motivated and get things done so that passing is not a problem.

I'm still in the midst of my crochet-fest. I can't crochet fast enough to make everything I want to try and I don't know enough to make some of the things I want to try. I'm half way done with a baby blanket and just tonight realized that I bought an extra skein of green homespun baby. I'm not sure what I'll do with that. Maybe a hat, it's too thick for booties though. I want to try socks, but I'm afraid they might not work up well. I think I'm capable of a scarf, and it being winter you'd think it would be the ultimate project for a newby, but well...people in Florida don't really need a scarf, and look a little funny if they do wear them. We'll see. I'm still trying to get one of those hooks, but refusing to pay the insane prices, and they just aren't making any that I REALLY like, and now there are only 2, both of which are ugly purple.

Okay, I've got some lectures to watch tonight. Hope everyone had a good thanksgiving.

2005-11-26T23:18:00.000-05:00

I read several blogs on a regular basis, but I rarely ever comment on them. I'm not sure why this is. I've had this blog for a LONG time, so it's not like I have nothing to say. Maybe it's just that I am anti-social. I always know that there would be something really good to say, but can never come up with it. Or maybe I'm just a voyeur.

2005-11-21T22:12:00.000-05:00

So...Tonight I bought some yarn, but I think I may buy more tomorrow at a different store because it is supposed to be on sale and it was a lot less than what was at the store i went to today. I bought yarn for a baby blanket and some more becacuse it was soft and I liked the color, I'm not exactly sure what I'm going to do with it but I think I might make a hat. We'll see. I'm just excited to have a little time to do it. And...I bid on this, I haven't decided if I really want to win it because it is a K, and I already have a K, in fact that's the only one I have, but the blue is pretty so I thought I'd see. I am going up to $30.00, so we'll see if the lady who is bidding on all the new ones will rebid against me. But I'm pretty sure I'll win it just because I'm not SURE it's the one I want to get first. But the good side to it is that I am used to that size, so it might be easier to work with. We'll see.

I've pulled out all the stiches I've done so far in the blanket, but when I get a good start I might post a picture. It will become a regular crochet blog. Boring, I know, but it's not like many people read this thing anyway.

2005-11-21T01:16:00.000-05:00

I talked to Lori today. She called while I was watching a lecture, but I figured it had been a long time since we talked so I took a break. she is doing good. She had a date last night and stayed out really late and is very happy and as predicted is no longer planning on moving to Ohio. It bothers me that she is changing her life plans on the basis of one night almost as much as the reasons she was planning on moving bothered me. I wish she would live just for her for a while. She said Brook is good. I got an e-mail saying that the wedding was off, and so I finnally talked to Lori about it. She said Brook is okay with it now, and that she is okay with things staying the way they are because she doesn't want him to get married if he doesn't want to. And I totally agree that he shouldn't get married if it's not what he wants, but he needs to stop doing this, and she needs to stop letting him walk all over her like that. It makes me mad that she's so willing to just bend to whatever he wants, she's such a strong person and she takes his crap over and over. But, it's her life, and if she chooses to live it in that state of limbo forever it is her choice. Why do I know so many people who insist on being involved in dysfunctional relationships?

While I was talking to Lori we made plans to go shopping in Tampa at a mall that I don't know. I probably shouldn't have because it's been so long since I've had a break and I'm probably going to be tired and I have a ton of work to do, and being with Lori when she's up (or down) like this can be tiring, but I haven't seen her in a while and I think she needs someone to talk to. So I'm going shopping with her Saturday. I almost agreed to go on Friday, but caught myself when I realized that it was the day after thanksgiving and that's just not a good idea.

I never made it to buy yarn today, so I guess I will do that Tuesday. I have a couple projects in mind and I can't decide which one I really want to do.

I want to make a hat, and try some socks, and I have an idea for a baby blanket, and I'd really love to make a sweater like this, but that's a knit sweater and I can't knit, and even if it was crochet, I'm not sure I could do it anyway. I think I need a LOT more experience. But if anyone happens to come across a crochet pattern for something similar, let me know.

Time for bed, exam tomorrow.

2005-11-19T22:13:00.000-05:00

So I think it's probably pretty obvious by now that I don't exactly have what you might call a work ethic, not anymore at least. And as this is totally boring my mind keeps wandering and I am suddenly reminded that I slept in for the cure, and they were supposed to send me a shirt...but since I don't live at home I have no idea what kind of mail I have waiting for me from the past month or so. So...did they send me a shirt or what?

2005-11-19T20:23:00.000-05:00

So...Can you believe someone bid against me? Me either. Anyway, it was fun, but I wish it had lasted a little longer. They haven't posted any new auctions yet, so I'm thinking maybe it's because it's the weekend? So I guess I'll wait until next week, which is probably better anyway.

Tonight Harriet made dinner and it was very good. It was interesting, one of those recipes you probably wouldn't like if someone just gave you a recipe card but it worked very well. It was like a chicken casserole over rice. Chicken with a gravy type sauce and then broken ritz crackers on top, then severed over white rice, that she cooked in a pan on the stove and didn't even burn to the bottom of the pan. And I have to say that it was both nice to not worry about what I was going to make for dinner and nice to know that my dinner didn't come out of a box from the freezer. And it was good. We should probably do that more often, but we just don't have any time. School is crazy.

I still have lots of lectures to watch. And I have another baby blanket idea, but I'm not getting yarn until after I finish lectures, but at the rate I'm going I might not ever get any. No my plan for now is to watch some tonight and the rest tomorrow and then go buy yarn so that I can take some home and practice more over thanksgiving, even though I NEED to watch more lecture over thanksgiving, but you know, I'm going to try to do both...because this is my latest obsession and there are like SOOO many craft stores around here, it's hard to keep myself focused. Why can't I get obsessed about...I don't know...Lectures? School? Is it just me, or am I'm completely wierd.

Okay more organic structures to draw...

Attention

2005-11-19T15:40:00.000-05:00

Under no circumstances is anyone allowed to bid against me.

2005-11-18T23:14:00.000-05:00

Today I should have gotten a lot of work done but I didn't. I'm losing motivation, the worse I do in class, the less I want to do. A viscous cycle.
I decided this evening that I needed to go to the store and I decided I wanted to make fajitas, and when I was leaving I think Harriet felt like she needed a break to so we went together. Then I came back and made fajitas. They were okay. I think I was just happy to eat something that wasn't microwaved or in a bag. But they weren't my best. She seemed to like them though, hopefully she wasn't just being nice.
I have 14 lectures to watch for an exam monday night. Luckily they aren't all full lectures, but it is organic chemistry and not only is that EXTREMELY boring but I have a hard time understanding a lot of it. I end up just memorizing things when it would be much easier to just understand it, that is...If I could understand it. I keep asking why we have to know all these structures. Especially when the professor says we have to memorize and be able to reproduce them for the exam but, we should look them up in the future if we ever need them, don't rely on your memory, but I'm like, when am I ever going to have to know the structure for furosemide again? The answer to that is um...for the final? If I take the final. Sometimes I think the majority of the stuff they have us doing is just so they can watch us have a hard time. Like for practicum we have to do a poster presentation but no one cares what it is about or what our conclusion is. The first day at the pharmacy our pharmacist told us she had no idea why we even had to do it. It's just more work and stuff to worry about. And that's on top of the classes that are actually hard and require a lot of work and attention and energy AND a professor who is clearly without something that is necessary for human interaction.
I'm not reading over this so, if it doesn't make sense I don't care.

2005-11-17T19:23:00.000-05:00

If I were to say "HOLY GOD!!!" do you think that'd be blasphemous?

2005-11-16T23:19:00.000-05:00

I simply MUST have one of these for this summer. Of course, I won't fit in the girly ones, but the boys ones are fine with me. And...$10, could it get any better?

On my ever expanding list

2005-11-12T14:18:00.000-05:00

Not that I didn't like the other one, but I am changing them size. I like them both but now I'm leaning toward the larger size.

2005-11-07T12:13:00.000-05:00

So...I know I'm behind on the news and all, but that's only because I have more exams this month than should be allowed by law. But...what is going on in France? I think I must be missing some key information. From what I get apparently two teenagers were hiding from police because they thought they were being chased, but it seems as if they weren't really. But they thought they were being chased and so they hid somewhere in a power substation and were accidentally electrocuted. And for whatever reason this accident of fate has caused massive riots throughout the housing projects in Suburban Paris, where they are burning hundreds of cars each night and generally being unruly.

So my question is, don't you think that even if those police HAD been chasing those boys and had directly CAUSED there deaths that this still wouldn't have happened? Crap like that happens all the time, and there is just a public flogging (not literally) of those involved without ever correcting the bigger problem. It just seems like that is such a small incident to start so much. And...on a somewhat different note why is it necessary in every article to identify that the majority involved are Muslims or of African decent. Are they trying to say that this has something to do with religion too? Is anyone else totally confused about this. Talk about spotty coverage, the media really needs to work on information gathering and distribution here.

Halloween

2005-10-31T19:13:00.000-05:00

We have a test in a few days and a case tomorrow, so my roommate decided it would be best to leave rather than be interupted by trick-or-treaters. I on the other hand ended up with a pumpkin that had to be carved, and if I'm carving a pumpkin then I'm going to show it off, and therefore, I have to answer the door.

I have had more trick-or-treaters tonight than I have had in probably the last 5 years combined. I'm at just over ten or so. The best was a group of kids who seemed very excited that I had DARK chocolate. A little girl who was probably 7 (though I really have no idea how old any child is and that's a complete guess) who stayed behind to tell me that dark chocolate was good for your heart and if you ate a lot of it you could loose a couple pounds but then you'd throw up...But it's good for your heart.
The cutest was the last one to come to my door, probably a 2yo who was absolutely adorable in a cow suit. Harriet had just called me with an answer to my previous question and the kid was so teeny I had to bend down, I asked Harriet to hold on, even though I really didn't want to do that since she was doing me a favor and then the kid was so cute I nearly forgot about the phone. I hadn't had anyone for a long time before the cutey cow so I'm pretty sure that trick-or-treating is pretty much over. But it was a lot of fun and now I have to figure out how to get rid of that pumpkin since the trash people come on Monday mornings. I don't think it will last a week without some serious grossness.

4 Billion Dollars a Year

2005-10-30T15:39:00.000-05:00

That's a lot of money.
So...I'm switching to plastic. Okay, well, I mean credit. Credit plastic, not debit plastic. If you know me, then you know I live somewhere other than my permanent residence for the majority of the year. And that place other than my permanent residence that I'm residing at currently doesn't have a branch of my bank. Or even an ATM anywhere near me. Which is interesting because I thought it was supposed to be a southern centered bank, but when we were on vacation, which is more north than here, they had one. But there isn't one here. So I'm stuck paying fees, and sometimes I'm okay with fees, because I don't like NOT having any cash at all. But I think I'm going to go to the credit first then cash plan. Of course, this will mean that I will get a statement of my ACTUAL montly spending, and it will probably give me a heart attack, and we're doing all kinds of CV diseases in school and I'm pretty sure that 12 heart attacks a year is probably not a good thing, but at least I won't be paying all those ATM fees. I keep a lot of money in the bank (well, you know, depending on the time of the year) and I'm sure they make plenty of money off of the money that I give them that allows them to give other people money cause that's how banks work-I TOOK ECONOMICS PEOPLE!-and I'm sure that they don't need to charge me $2 every time I get $40 from the ATM. Also...I'm not really happy with my bank for that excessive withdrawal fee that they hit me with last month('cause I only had 4 withdrawals in 3 months from my savings account) even if it is only $2, I mean, I'm still a little mad at the Starbuck's girl and I'm not even sure that she really did steal a dollor from me. So that along with the facts that they have no banks or ATMs here, and that I STILL haven't gotten an e-mail from them about online banking aren't making me happy. I would go bank shopping but I just don't even have time to be writing this post.

This is why I'm cooler than you.

2005-10-29T22:48:00.000-04:00

Because today, instead of studying for exams and getting caught up so that I have a better chance of actually finishing pharmacy school in the 4 years it is SUPPOSED to take I took a couple hours out of my day to do this.

I may be here forever, but I bet my pumpkin is better than yours!

Stop looking at me!

2005-10-28T23:08:00.000-04:00

I followed a link today to the site It looks like it could be a very cool idea. So, while looking around I clicked on the "about" link. And, wow, it is just freaky. Maybe it's just me. I couldn't even read the page.

pumpkin lattes aren't very good

2005-10-25T15:54:00.000-04:00

I just signed up for bad charma. I just went to Starbuck's for a caffiene shot. When I was paying I counted out my dollars and wasn't quite sure when I handed the girl my money if I actually counted correctly, when I watched her count it I'm pretty sure it was a dollar over, but I wasn't exactly sure because a couple of the dollars stuck together and so I thought I might have mis-counted. But I was still suspicous. When I left I reached in my pocket to check to make sure the other money was there. I had two very crisp fresh twentys in there, I had just transfered them from my lab coat, because I worked today and my dress pants don't have decent pockets. But they weren't there, so I immediatly thought, "Oh! that girl stole my money, it was the two twentys that were stuck together and she saw it and instead of giving them back she just pretended like they were ones and she had counted correctly!" I got about a block away and decided I would go back just to make sure they hadn't dropped out of my pocket, or maybe if I did go back and ask if anyone had found them she would feel guilty and pretend like she had. So, I go back, but first I had to go another block to turn around. I walked in, and on the floor, kicked under a display were my neatly folded twentys waiting for my return, they had just fallen out of my pocket when I reached in for the other money, whew! It's a good thing I went back, I need that money, I'm poor.
But I'm still pretty sure I gave her an extra dollar and she didn't say anything.

2005-10-24T22:22:00.000-04:00

Shortly after Katrina and Rita we recieved our electric bill and it was shocking. Well, actually not so much for me, because I wasn't quite sure what to expect. But my roommate was concerned because she knew that there was a increase coming for this month. We'll have to see what that does when the bill comes in the next couple days. But when it came we were talking about ways to save energy and we both mentioned how much we wanted to be able to just open the windows during the day, and that it wouldn't be long until we could do that. And...just to spite us the weather decided to skip the whole open window phase. I wouldn't be surprised if it snowed tomorrow. It's so cold my teeth chattered tonight. Forget about the open windows, we're going to have to figure out how to turn on the heat. It's a good thing I got my jacket last weekend, I'm going to need it. I heard that it was supposed to cool down with this hurricane, but I didn't figure it would be like this, I mean, hurricanes are tropical weather patterns, tropical implies warm and moist. I'm surprised the hurricane didn't just keel over and die halfway across the state.

2005-10-24T14:57:00.000-04:00

Everyone should have an amazon wishlist. They are awesome, I think they have everything. And...they tell you who makes it and everything so you can search around to see if there are better deals. I hope that link works for you. Right now I'm nearly completely in love with the backpack notebook case. I need one, and it's a better deal than dell is offering. And they have Nordstrom stuff. It's totally crazy that everyone doesn't have one.

More Clothes.

2005-10-22T17:02:00.000-04:00

I'm forseeing weddings, and I have no wedding attire. Business attire, yes, wedding attire, no. So...I'm thinking this dress. It is on sale and there is no shipping if bought now. What do you think? Maybe it will just go on my list.

I would wear different shoes though.

2005-10-22T01:02:00.000-04:00

So yesterday was a busy day. We had a full day on campus, which has become pretty usual on Thursdays. I get there at 8:30 or so and don't leave until 6:30 or so. Luckily we have lots of time in between classes so we can go over all of our work before class. We had ICS, which is easy for me now because I already did my presentation. Then I had a couple hours until PTX so we went over the case and argued our treatment suggestions. Then after class a few of us ordered pizza, which was quite an ordeal, first it had to be decided who was eating, what they wanted and how much to order. Then, it turns out that several places don't deliver to the hospital. I think it was the 3rd try by the time they found a place. Luckily I wasn't in charge of that process because I had a LOT of work to do. We got the Dose Opt case done and the homework. Then while I was finishing up the case (trying to watch a lecture I couldn't hear) some moved onto the IQMP assignment. I hadn't started on it yet, so I concentrated on the Dose Opt case, but when I was done I listened to enough conversations to get the gist and I was able to ask a lot of questions because everyone else was ahead of me. Then we went to class and went over the case. We had everything right except for one question, and there was some controversy about that. The key had the answers we had, but the person going over the case with us wasn't sure if they were right, so with all the confusion I asked if he would go back through the answers so I would know if I had heard everything right. I guess he thought I meant to go through all the answers to the rest of the questions, which he did because class was about to end (which I didn't realize at the time), but I really just wanted to make sure I had been heard the answers as they should have been. But hey, I'll take whatever you want to give me. So we just have to wait and see what the answers really are to that one question. Then I came home and went through the IQMP assignment, there were a couple that I didn't really agree with the answers, and when I asked other people they didn't know either so I e-mailed the professor and got a vacation response. Great! But this morning he e-mailed me back and told me what I wanted to hear, so I finished the assignment and turned it in, and of course, the one I had the question on was marked wrong. But I knew it would be ahead of time, now I just have to see if he will give me credit for it, especially considering he told me that credit would be given. At least it was only 2 points. And for the most part the assignment wasn't too bad, which is a happy change for that class. And that is about all the productive things I accomplished today.

How boring is that? Even when I'm busy, I'm boring.

Oh, and...have you seen this?

2005-10-16T23:27:00.000-04:00

I first started "blogging" a long time ago. Back before I even knew that was what it was called. I posted a couple journal type entries to a web-site I created. The I moved over to an aol subprofile, but that didn't last long because it had so many pop-ups that it took me 10 minutes just to start my post and then while I was typing I would get interupted with pop-ups that would stop my typing and it was annoying. It's been a long time, back before pop-up blockers. Then I read an article in the newspaper about salam pax. And that is where I first heard of blogger. I opened an account and have been blogging ever since. Blogger has changed a lot since then. They've added a lot more functions and are now owned by google, which is the best search engine out there. I've had very few problems that weren't directly related to their growth. I once found that my web-site had been taken over by someone else. It turns out that it was not actually taken over, but rather missplaced...or something...I don't know. I e-mailed them and they took care of it right away. But this was before blogger was bought by google. While I love google and the functionality they have brought to blogger, I am finding those problems that everyone worries about when the big companies buy the little ones. You see, now I have another problem. I think it probably isn't that difficult, but it's also not something I can fix on my own. So when I discovered my problem. A problem not covered by the multitude of faqs. IN fact, the faqs seem to say that my problem shouldn't be a problem. I should be able to move my blog, and then reclaim my old url. And when I do move my blog a copy of the old site shouldn't remain. But I can't reclaim my old url and an old version still exists at the old url. I understand that they no longer allow certain characters in their urls, but since mine was already being used, why can't I have it back? I really think it wouldn't be difficult for someone to address...and that leads me to my problem. You see, the people at Google, they are busy. They are a huge company and I guess they just can't have enough people sitting around waiting to solve the problems of all their users. So...it's been a week since I filled out the little help me survey and then replied to their reply telling them that I had already been through the faqs and they hadn't helped me and I still haven't heard anything back from them. Nothing. So...I have no idea if or when I will ever find out how they are going to help me out here. And until then, I have a dead web-site out there that I have no control over and no ability to redirect. Blah!

Why Lori is right and everyone should move to Ohio even though it is the land of white bread and picket fences and completely boring.

2005-10-10T23:19:00.000-04:00

And even though her reasoning for it is slightly racist and makes me a little sick and angry to think about because of it.

Dude, did you know that you can get the US census online? You can. She was right. I looked up Homosassa, because who wants to live in Beverly Hills anyway. Anyway...in Homosassa the population is a nearly exactly evenly split between the sexes. 50-50. There are only 47 people between the ages of 20 and 24. That doesn't include me because when the survey was taken I was at school, and wasn't allowed to be counted even though Homosassa has always been my legal residence. But in a couple months I will not be in that age range anymore so...who cares about them. There are a whopping 98 people between the ages of 25 and 34. So, if we go by percentages here, there are only 46 males in Homosassa between 25 and 34. Only 16.2% of the population has a bachelor's degree or higher. And this is going to be off a little because 12% of the population of Homosassa is not old enough to have a degree, but just bear with me, the percentage is so small it won't really change it by much. So if there are 46 males 25-34 in Homosassa then only 8 of them have at least a bachelors degree. Not to mention the fact that a 34 year old could really be considered to be too old for us. But lets forget that for a sec, because true love knows no age... So...In Homosassa, the dating pool for me when i get back there is approximately 8 people. Now take into account that 65% of the male population is married. We'll say only 50% because we want to stack the odds in our favor, and because the elderly population is so high that I'm sure it is skewing the results. So lets just say that 50% of those 8 people are already married. Now we're down to 4. Now...Here comes the hard part because I've actually been thinking on this for a while. I can't name a single one. There are only 2300 people in Homosassa, I've lived there for the majority of my life and I can't name any one of those 4 college educated males. So...This proves...Lori is right, we should all move to Ohio.

new home?

2005-10-08T23:12:00.000-04:00

I used to keep some really old stuff here, but I moved because the ~s in my old url were always such a challenge. A lot of things refused to believe that my address was even valid. As if I would lie about it or something. So I'm blowing the dust off and starting here. And look...I've already improved things I'm up 2 points from 0!

I have an exam tonight

2005-10-05T13:51:00.000-04:00

-----Original Message-----
From: Beverly
Sent: Wednesday, October 05, 2005 12:53 PM
To: Jacksonville Pharmacy Students
Subject: class tonight

At 3:00 we will be sending you a weather update regarding classes tonight.

Beverly

What???

CRAP! When did that happen?

It's a small world after all...

2005-10-03T00:52:00.000-04:00

Every year when we go on vacation we make it a point to stop at every Cracker Barrel we can. We plan our meals around it almost, and because there are tons of them along the interstate it's not too hard. There are two in Illinois that we regularly stop at on the way depending on timing. One in Marion, IL and one in Mt. Vernon. We never eat at Cracker Barrel except when we are on vacation. This past year Nikky got sick of it and I nearly didn't get to have French Toast!

When I was little, before I went to Daycare, I had a babysitter. The babysitter was Chris. She was Torri's Aunt. Her Uncle's wife. Later there was much drama and controversy in their lives, but while she was my babysitter, things were good for them, at least that's how I remember it. Torri and I were best friends. At least that's how I remember it. Later on someone moved or something, and Chris couldn't be my babysitter anymore. I lost touch with Torri.

The house we live in now, or rather my mother lives in now, was built about 12 years ago. We moved in when I was in the seventh grade. But mom bought the property quite a while before then. And before that we lived in a trailer next door to the property. When we moved in we learned of this weird it's a small world twist of fate. Torri lived across the street from what would one day, several years later (the thought had yet to be conceived really, I think) be our house. She lived across the street and down a couple lots from where we lived. I think I remember being shy at first, it was awkward meeting this person I couldn't really remember much of. But that was short lived and we became fast friends.

I attended Mrs. Linda's Daycare for a lot of years. And truthfully, if I had kids I would send them there. Dustin goes there now. But Debbie did a little babysitting, and she just happened to be Torri's mom, so we begged our parents, and eventually Nikky and I stopped going to Daycare and started going to Debbie's after school. She was an amazing person. And Torri was my best friend. We all had Chicken Pox together, or rather in a rolling fashion, Torri, Scott, Nikky, Nicky, and I.

Not everyone can say they have known actual carnies. But I can. Keith and Shelley traveled the country with the carnival for months at a time. They were Torri's aunt and uncle. But I think the traveling got to be too much and they decided to settle down.

As I think I've made clear, every year we pack into our car and take a trip up north. We used to only go to Illinois to see family, but now we go to Missouri as well. In the days when we only went to Illinois we would stay for about a week or so and then head back. One year Torri and Debbie came with us. Keith and Shelley lived somewhere not too far from where my family lived. The world is small. I didn't know where exactly, but it was far enough that it wasn't impossible for them to drive from where we were going to where they wanted to go. And the trip was awesome because Torri got to come.

One day the world lost one of the greatest people I knew. When Debbie passed away suddenly I think everyone was shocked. I wasn't even able to react. At some point we had built our house and I just couldn't believe that she wouldn't be just across the street. And of course, what I was feeling came nowhere near what those closest to her were feeling. I can't imagine what Torri felt. Not then and not now. But I knew she was hurting. I know she hurt for a long time, and I'm not really sure it ever got any better for her. I know she went to the Health Academy, and I know she had to take her drivers test more than once, but even though she lived right across the street we drifted apart. I just didn't know how to relate to her anymore. There was so much hurt there, and so I guess we both pulled away.

It turns out that Keith and Shelley had settled in Marion, IL. I heard through the grapevine, that after graduation Torri moved up there with them. She had a hard time dealing with her father after the death of her mother, and I think he had a hard time dealing with the loss. So the move was probably best for all. Later Chuck remarried, and had a baby. Then he moved and we've had to call the police on the new people across the street.

Every year when we go on vacation we make it a point to stop at every Cracker Barrel we can. We plan our meals around it almost, and because there are tons of them along the interstate it's not too hard. There are two in Illinois that we regularly stop at on the way depending on timing. One in Marion IL and one in Mt. Vernon. The difference between then and now is that the last few years we've wondered aloud when in Marion about whether Torri is still there.

The day after John Lennon was shot, I was born. At Clay County Hospital in Flora, IL. I suppose it was a joyous day. Usually births are. There is a new Clay County hospital now. It's our on hwy 50. We only pass it when we go to Aunt Erma Dean's. We come into town from the other direction. We get off the interstate at Salem and get on 50, we always know we're getting close when we get off the interstate. You have to wonder how big this town really is. Certainly bigger than Flora, but kids still ride their bikes unattended on the sidewalks and the store sit right on the road because the buildings were built long enough ago that they didn't consider what would happen when the road needed to be widened. I'm pretty sure everybody still knows everybody or could at least find out.

I have a site meter, so I pretty much know who reads my blog. And if they actually got to this point in the post then perhaps they are going hmmm. I wonder, how long we spent in that Cracker Barrel in Marion this year wondering if we might catch a glimpse of Torri. We never did. After my post yesterday, I know why. Torri doesn't live in Marion anymore. I know because I googled her. Google is always a helpful tool. She's also not married, or at least she doesn't use her husband's name (or at least she didn't as of August 12). I know all of this because of this article. So...I'll have to remember this next year. Or, maybe, one of y'all could mention me if you see her. Her birthday is a week from today, the 10th, so you should also wish her a Happy Birthday.

The 100 most challenged books from 1990-2000

2005-10-01T22:26:00.000-04:00

It is amazing to me that people still attempt to ban books. Especially here in America. As if people only think the first ammendment counts when they believe what is being said. As if your only allowed to express your thoughts when they are popular, I mean, look what happened when France a couple years ago. They just said they wouldn't support a war on terror that was directed at the country that was not responsible for the attacks that had triggered the war in the first place. I may not like a lot of things people insist on putting out there, but I've never questioned their right to say it. But I guess this belief that the first ammendment should only be upheld when the popular opinion is being expressed has it's roots in this ever present belief that it's acceptable to ban a book.

So here's the list of the 100 most challenged books from 1990-2000. Go ahead and read down the list.

Scary Stories (Series) by Alvin Schwartz
Daddy’s Roommate by Michael Willhoite
I Know Why the Caged Bird Sings by Maya Angelou
The Chocolate War by Robert Cormier
The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn by Mark Twain
Of Mice and Men by John Steinbeck
Harry Potter (Series) by J.K. Rowling
Forever by Judy Blume
Bridge to Terabithia by Katherine Paterson
Alice (Series) by Phyllis Reynolds Naylor
Heather Has Two Mommies by Leslea Newman
My Brother Sam is Dead by James Lincoln Collier and Christopher Collier
The Catcher in the Rye by J.D. Salinger
The Giver by Lois Lowry
It’s Perfectly Normal by Robie Harris
Goosebumps (Series) by R.L. Stine
A Day No Pigs Would Die by Robert Newton Peck
The Color Purple by Alice Walker I saw the movie?
Sex by Madonna
Earth’s Children (Series) by Jean M. Auel
The Great Gilly Hopkins by Katherine Paterson
A Wrinkle in Time by Madeleine L’Engle
Go Ask Alice by Anonymous
Fallen Angels by Walter Dean Myers
In the Night Kitchen by Maurice Sendak
The Stupids (Series) by Harry Allard
The Witches by Roald Dahl
The New Joy of Gay Sex by Charles Silverstein
Anastasia Krupnik (Series) by Lois Lowry
The Goats by Brock Cole
Kaffir Boy by Mark Mathabane
Blubber by Judy Blume
Killing Mr. Griffin by Lois Duncan
Halloween ABC by Eve Merriam
We All Fall Down by Robert Cormier
Final Exit by Derek Humphry
The Handmaid’s Tale by Margaret Atwood
Julie of the Wolves by Jean Craighead George
The Bluest Eye by Toni Morrison
What’s Happening to my Body? Book for Girls: A Growing-Up Guide for Parents & Daughters by Lynda Madaras
To Kill a Mockingbird by Harper Lee
Beloved by Toni Morrison
The Outsiders by S.E. Hinton
The Pigman by Paul Zindel
Bumps in the Night by Harry Allard
Deenie by Judy Blume
Flowers for Algernon by Daniel Keyes
Annie on my Mind by Nancy Garden
The Boy Who Lost His Face by Louis Sachar
Cross Your Fingers, Spit in Your Hat by Alvin Schwartz
A Light in the Attic by Shel Silverstein
Brave New World by Aldous Huxley
Sleeping Beauty Trilogy by A.N. Roquelaure (Anne Rice)
Asking About Sex and Growing Up by Joanna Cole
Cujo by Stephen King
James and the Giant Peach by Roald Dahl
The Anarchist Cookbook by William Powell
Boys and Sex by Wardell Pomeroy
Ordinary People by Judith Guest
American Psycho by Bret Easton Ellis
What’s Happening to my Body? Book for Boys: A Growing-Up Guide for Parents & Sons by Lynda Madaras
Are You There, God? It’s Me, Margaret by Judy Blume
Crazy Lady by Jane Conly
Athletic Shorts by Chris Crutcher
Fade by Robert Cormier
Guess What? by Mem Fox
The House of Spirits by Isabel Allende
The Face on the Milk Carton by Caroline Cooney
Slaughterhouse-Five by Kurt Vonnegut
Lord of the Flies by William Golding
Native Son by Richard Wright
Women on Top: How Real Life Has Changed Women’s Fantasies by Nancy Friday
Curses, Hexes and Spells by Daniel Cohen
Jack by A.M. Homes
Bless Me, Ultima by Rudolfo A. Anaya
Where Did I Come From? by Peter Mayle
Carrie by Stephen King
Tiger Eyes by Judy Blume
On My Honor by Marion Dane Bauer
Arizona Kid by Ron Koertge
Family Secrets by Norma Klein
Mommy Laid An Egg by Babette Cole
The Dead Zone by Stephen King
The Adventures of Tom Sawyer by Mark Twain
Song of Solomon by Toni Morrison
Always Running by Luis Rodriguez
Private Parts by Howard Stern
Where’s Waldo? by Martin Hanford
Summer of My German Soldier by Bette Greene
Little Black Sambo by Helen Bannerman
Pillars of the Earth by Ken Follett
Running Loose by Chris Crutcher
Sex Education by Jenny Davis
The Drowning of Stephen Jones by Bette Greene
Girls and Sex by Wardell Pomeroy
How to Eat Fried Worms by Thomas Rockwell
View from the Cherry Tree by Willo Davis Roberts
The Headless Cupid by Zilpha Keatley Snyder
The Terrorist by Caroline Cooney
Jump Ship to Freedom by James Lincoln Collier and Christopher Collier

Sadly, I haven't read many on the list. Surprisingly, i read most of the in school, they were assigned. Most of them were assigned in Elementary school. None of them ever seemed controversial to me. And "Where's Waldo"? What the hell is wrong with "Where's Waldo"? When I posted about the BFG earlier today, it reminded me of "How to Eat Fried Worms," which I was considering reading again even though I read it in the 4th grade. This summer, I'm going to work on the list. But I'm not going to read "Cujo." Or "Catcher in the Rye," Mom read it over the summer and said it was not very good.

Hey Vern, it's Ernest!

2005-10-01T19:18:00.000-04:00

There are some phrases that will always bring about a memory of a song. In my case, the memory is usually less about the song, as it is rarely a song that meant anything to me. I saw a link to a blog, "Life's Highway" recently, and immediately I was singing "Life is a highway" in my head. I never really listened to this song, or was a fan necessarily of Tom Cochrane, but I can hear the song quite clearly in my head whenever some combination of Life and Highway come up. I remember first hearing it and watching the video at Torri's house.

Another one that comes to mind is that OPP song. You know it, "you down with OPP, yeah you know me." And while that part of the song comes to mind, I don't know any other words, if there are any other words. What that brings to mind is the time when Scott Hicks wanted Debbie to shave OPP into the side of his head. She refused telling him that she didn't have the equiptment to do that. He still begged to have it done, but seemed to accept the excuse.

I think it's interesting that those two memories that came to mind are from so long ago, and I wonder what ever happened to Torri Hurn.

2005-10-01T16:24:00.000-04:00

This summer, we went on our usual summer vacation. It requires 4 days in a car, 2 there, 2 back. This year on the way there while in the car, in the middle of who knows where Nikky all the sudden exclaimed, "Oh. My. God." We all just sort of paused waiting for her to explain. "I saw a goat." Since we were on an interstate, it seemed very unlikely, but she swears she saw it so that night in the motel we searched for goats. We went through every breed we could find. She's pretty sure it was some kind of Mountain goat. I'm pretty sure they don't have those in Alabama. But whatever. Later on she said, "Look, a butterfly man chasing 'em around and stabbing 'em." I was pretty sure she'd cracked so I laughed. I could totally picture some big tall skinny man with long grey hair and a beard gracefully chasing butterflies with a big butterfly net in one hand and a knife in the other, waiving the knife around trying to stab them. Wierd I know. The thing is, I for some reason associated the picture of him with the BFG, according to the current cover art, I was completely off base there. But the picture of this butterfly man was so clear to me, and completely comical that if I can ever get someone to draw this for me the way I picture it, I'm totally getting it tattooed on me.

Oh, and it turns out she actually said something about a confederate flag on the side of the road, not a butterfly man.

anonymity

2005-09-24T11:25:00.000-04:00

This being the internet I've tryed to keep myself relatively anonymous. Not so much so that people who know me and find my site won't know that it's me. I think it's very clear that I'm me, all you have to know if my first name and where I live, and you can pretty much be sure that I'm me. I do this for a couple reasons, first I think it would be creepy for a stranger to find my site and be able to google me, for someone to be able to find me and show up on my doorstep. I don't think this would ever actually happen, but it creeps me out so I do it anyway. I also do it because I'm a photo fanatic. I take a lot of pictures. And a lot of family pictures. So if someone could find me, they could potentially find all the minor children, whose pictures I post all over the internet. And finally, I don't want to make it too easy for people who know me, but not that well, to find me. Not that you can't find me if you work hard enough at it. However, it should be noted that my last name will never be posted here.

The other day, I had a hit on my site meter. It was the full name of a friend and then the city of our highschool. Since the hit came from where she is approximately, I will assume she googled herself, I do it all the time. Otherwise, Heather, someone googled you. This was interesting so I did the same thing for myself. I didn't expect to get any decent results becacuse, I don't post my last name anywhere. But I was wrong. You see, my last name also turns out to be a word, and I've apparently used that word in a post. So, when I typed in my name, ["first name" "last name" "highschool city"] I found myself. I am, in fact, the very first hit. Imagine my surprise. I guess I'm not as anonymous as I thought. Thankfully, if I omit the highschool city part, I am not listed on the first page of hits, or the first 10 for that matter.

2005-09-24T00:01:00.000-04:00

So last Thursday I posted about how I wasn't going to set my alarm clock for the first time of the semester, but I knew that I was going to be awakened by the lawn service anyway. Well, they didn't come until I was in the shower, at about 10:30. I was a little confused and had to keep checking the day to be sure that it actually was Friday, and that I wasn't missing anything. This morning (yesterday really) I did set my alarm (for 9:00). I had work to do but I had been up early Thursday morning for class and up late Thursday night, so I figured I'd make up for it since I didn't have anything scheduled for the day. But at 7:00 am they were here again. And they don't just stay for an hour. They were still here mowing away when my alarm went off. And for quite awhile after that. I know that they do a very thorough job, they have to edge and do the hedges or whatever, but I can't figure out why it takes them so long. There's like 6 square feet of grass in from of every house. We aren't talking about acres here. What could possibly take them 3 hours every week?

2005-09-18T21:39:00.000-04:00

So I just went down to my car to see if I could find any evidence of when my timing belt was last changed. No such luck. I did find lots of other car service paperwork, more owners manuals than I thought came with a car, 4 different kinds of car light bulbs, and a newspaper clipping from when Nikky was on an under-12 soccer team. Since she's nearly 20 now, I think it's a little dated.

2005-09-17T22:32:00.000-04:00

So like...I do actually have a background here. It's green and brown argyle. If you can't see it then you need to clear your browser cache or something. If you're running internet explorer then there is a rumor that all you have to do is hold down the shift key and hit your browsers refresh button. But that's never worked for me. What did work was holding the control (Ctrl) key while hitting refresh. You have to hold the button at the same time you click refresh. If that doesn't work or you are running some other browser then you should google it.

I had this problem a couple weeks ago and I thought it was just me. But I'm home this weekend had the same problem on this computer. And because there is nothing in the world cooler than green argyle, I thought it was important for me to pass along this information. Besides, I spent WAY too much time saving EVERY SINGLE image file, uploading it, and then making all my template html correspond to the images. It was tedious, and took me forever, since I'm still in html elementary school here.

2005-09-16T01:58:00.000-04:00

Tomorrow will be the first morning since the start of this semester that I haven't set my alarm clock. It's default setting is 9:30, though it can get as early as 8, and on rare occasions (like this morning) it sounds at the ungodly hour of 5 am. But don't think I'm going to be sleeping in too late. Tomorrow is Friday, and if there's one thing I've learned since moving here, it's that the lawn service comes Friday morning, VERY early morning, and they stay FOREVER.

Currently I've been up for 21 hours, and my five o'clock wake up call this morning was preceeded by only three, very short, hours of sleep. So...we'll see if the lawn service can still do a decent job of a wake up call or if my lack of sleep wins out.

12 lectures to watch.

2005-09-11T02:24:00.000-04:00

Has anyone googled "failure" lately?

2005-09-11T00:12:00.000-04:00

So...you know that scene in Home Alone where the kid uses some aftershave and it burns and he screems? Yeah, it's like that. Only with no aftershave and a lot of books.

MSNBC

2005-09-09T23:34:00.000-04:00

http://media.putfile.com/OlbermannSwings/800

2005-09-08T18:22:00.000-04:00

The National Weather service has a location in Jacksonville. Whenever there are tornado warnings, or storm warnings they interrupt you TV show, I mean like, they blank out your screen and play that stupid tone and then give you some vague description of the storm warnings in your area, they also do something similar on the radio, again with the noise, and it's very comforting for you to hear when you are in the car and have no idea where you are. I experienced this a few times last year, but nothing ever happened. They just wanted to make sure we knew what was going on. EXCEPT that is, when there is a hurricane. I can hardly find anything on TV. And weatherchannel.com doesn't really seem to know it exists. I did find one video, from this morning or yesterday, that talked about it briefly. But I knew from my drive into school this morning that it was sitting out there stationary and the pressure had dropped. This means, for those of you who don't plan your life around hurricanes, that it's future direction is not very predictable, and it is getting stronger, and it's going to get stronger faster than they thought a few days ago. So, I've searched the Weather Channel endlessly, because, you know, it's the WEATHER CHANNEL. To no avail. No maps with a picture of the storm and those nifty storm details. Only a reference to it except the fact that it was out there at one time. At this point I'd just like to say that while Katrina was horrible and all, life does go on, and I need to be prepared too. So...finally I went to baynews 9. As in Tampa Bay. You know HUNDREDS of miles away Tampa Bay. And finally, FINALLY, I found a map with details. And do you know what. It's not just a tropical storm people. IT'S A HURRICANE NOW!!! You'd think it would be newsworthy that they storm had reached that milestone, but I guess weatherchannel.com doesn't think so. I'm not asking that the entire country be put on alert or even informed, but you know, I'd like to know about the HURRICANE sitting in my back yard. You know, the one that's unpredictable at this point. Knowledge is power people. It actually looks like it will be a few days before it causes any trouble, if any, but I need to make plans here. And other people need to know about it so they can make plans because not everyone can sit around searching for weather news. It may only be a category 1 at this point, and not anywhere near the level that Katrina was, but there's no reason for their to be no bulletins on the weather channel web site.

Note to my mom

2005-09-08T12:10:00.000-04:00

I topped off my tank today. I put in 4.887 gallons at $2.869/gallon for a grand total of $14.02. Not too bad considering the price of gas these days. I had been trying to keep an eye out for prices, but I'm not very good at looking, and when I got to school, there are no stations on the way, but when I went to practicum tuesday I checked out the prices, which were >$3.00, and the place I got gas actually hasn't changed since then, so I think I got a good deal to make up for the last time I filled up. Because the last time I filled up, I got to the pump slid my credit card, and they immediately announced they only had premium. So I was stuck, with premium, and not a happy camper. I'm wondering what the national gas price average is.

Also, I'm going to need a PDA eventually.

2005-09-07T22:07:00.000-04:00

So...This weekend I went shopping. I bought lots of stuff, mainly dress clothes. And I bought these shoes at Target:

They are hot. And of course before I bought them I read all the reviews there at Target.com. Lots of good reviews. They are supposed to be comfy, though they have a short life. Which is okay, because I wasn't really planning to wear them for long periods of time. So...Yesterday, I wore them to Practicum. I'm only there for 2 hours and I figured that I could deal with it for that short time if they weren't comfortable, but that 2 hours of standing would make the decision for me.

I get there and learn that I failed to take notice of the rubber mats they have on the floors. It's like ergonomic or something. You know because pharmacists have to stand all day, so they have matts to reduce impact and make standing more comfortable. A really great idea, that I'm sure many people are much appreciative of. But, spike heels totally poke little holes in it. Opps. So, I spent half of the 2 hours leaning on my toes, to prevent the holes, and the rest of the time trying to stand in places without the matts. All in all, it wasn't too bad. I can't make a definite determination on the shoes because standing on your toes isn't really how you should make shoe judgements. But really, even as I walked out, my feet didn't hurt (the heel is just a little over an inch). When I took them off to drive, there was some pain, but I think that's expected.

I will defintely wear them again, just not in the pharmacy. And I think I'll get some bandaids, because when I just put them on I realized they kind of rub the backs of my heels and I don't want any blisters.

So I'm back to the dress-shoe drawing board for now.

Too Much Information

2005-09-06T13:52:00.000-04:00

So, today, after practicum I went to publix, I needed more lunch meat, oranges, and pads. I had everything when except the pads when I went to look for them. It took me a while to even find the brand that I wanted, these are the perils of a new store. But when I found them I couldn't find the ones I wanted. There were long ones and ones with wings, I've been buying them for years. "Ultra thin Mince..." After a couple minutes staring at packages I realize that there are two different packages for the long pads, and it dawns on me that THEY HAVE CHANGED THE PACKAGE!!! It went from hot pink to white with some flower on them. Seriously, why do they have to keep changing the package? And why can't they tell me about it first, so it doesn't take me 10 minutes to find the pads I want.

So then I get home and eat lunch, which I got at the store in less time then it took me to find the pads, and I see a commercial. Do you know what the commercial said? Yeah, they were just telling me that they were changing the package. It's white now with a dahlia on it. They even said why it was a dahlia, but I don't remember that part, I just kept thinking, you couldn't have told me this BEFORE???

More on the Xavier University Pharmacy Students

2005-09-05T00:35:00.000-04:00

I think I didn't express in my post how sad it is that, most likely, none of the Xavier University students will ever even know this opportunity existed before it's too late. The offer is being made so that these students won't loose a year of their lives, a year spent mostly waiting, with nothing to do. And I imagine, if I were in their situation, I would feel the loss of another year rather acutely. The thing is, UF is most likely not the only pharmacy college doing this. I haven't heard of any others, but I'm not in the loop that would know about any offers anyway. I do know that Universities across the country are accepting displaced students and helping them with the transition, so I assume that other pharmacy programs are doing this also. The problem lays in that Xavier University is located in New Orleans. I don't know whether it still stands, but it's computer systems appear to be off-line. There is no web-site they can check in with to see about these opportunities, and with the systems offline, they have no campus e-mail. And there is therefore no way to contact them, even if they did have access to a computer. There really is no way to get the word out. If you haven't read the previous post, there was a letter posted, that asked all students to help in contacting anyone they knew in the Xavier University College of Pharmacy, the problem is, most likely no one knows anyone that is a student there, and even if they did they would have no way of contacting them now. Like I said before I am proud that my school is offering this opportunity and I hope that it is taken advantage of. But at the same time I am saddened because I know that there are so many who might like to know about this chance, and may not learn about it until it is far too late. This is a time sensitive issue, we will be starting our third week, I'm currently behind, it would be difficult for someone who has been through so much and still has miles to go to come in now and catch up, and excel. I would be impossible for them to catch up even if a month goes by. And the problem here is that pharmacy schools only accept students in the fall, you can't start in the spring term. So if there is a student out there who learns about this next month and would have taken the opportunity if they could, it will be too late, and they will spend the next 11 months waiting, and most likely they will be waiting for the unknown, because who knows where the program at Xavier will be in 11 months?

UF offers Displaced Xavier University Pharmacy Students Admission

2005-09-02T18:28:00.000-04:00

I recieved the following e-mail today from our campus director:

Dear Jacksonville Pharmacy Students,

It is difficult the fathom the emotional stress the inhabitants of the areas devastated by Hurricane Katrina are feeling. Xavier University is currently under water and it is not clear when the University will reopen. As you may know, Xavier has a College of Pharmacy and all of their students are unable to attend classes. In an effort to assist these pharmacy students in order for them to continue their education without having to lose an entire year of school, the University of Florida has offered to admit these students specifically to the Jacksonville campus until they can either return to New Orleans or permanently should they decide to stay. It is not clear yet how many students if any at all will be attending classes here in Jacksonville, but we will be sure to update you as soon as more information is made to us. There may be students without shelter and if you have an extra room to extend to a student, please contact the office and we will place your name on a list.

I must say I'm proud that this opportunity is being offered to those in need. Later I recieved this e-mail:

Dear Kim,
As president of the University of Florida Kappa Chapter of KE, I am asking for your assistance in contacting pharmacy students that may know students at Xavier School of Pharmacy in New Orleans LA, who have been devastated by Hurricane Katrina.
This morning, the faculty at the Gainesville Campus of the University of Florida College of Pharmacy were instructed by Dean Riffee that our college will do all it can to assist pharmacy students at Xavier in continuing their pharmacy education at least temporarily at the Jacksonville campus at UF. The problem is getting the information about this opportunity to the individual students, who are more than likely displaced from their housing and without University phone or email access. Perhaps you or your classmates know contact information for students at Xavier and could disseminate this information to them. If so, please let them know they should contact Dean Riffee directly to discuss the
possibility of continuing at UF at least temporarily. His
contact information is below; email is probably the best route if that is possible. The University of Florida and the College of Pharmacy have set a tentative deadline of Sept 12th for students informing us that they would like to continue their education here, although students that contact Dean Riffee after that date will be addressed on a case by case basis. Details about reduced tuition and relocation issues are being discussed.

Thank you very much for your help in this matter.

Sincerely, Joanna Peris
Faculty Advisor, Kappa chapter

William H. Riffee, Ph.D.
Dean College of Pharmcy
P.O. Box 100484
JHM Health Science Ceneter
Gainesville FL 32610
352-273-6309 (office)
352-273-6306 (fax)
riffee@ufl.edu
Kappa Epsilon

Sadly, the deadline is not far away, an honestly, I'm not sure how they would catch up. But last year when we had so many hurricanes and schools were constantly announcing closings there came a point when some schools actually cancelled the entire semester, when I heard I couldn't believe it, what would I do if I lost a year of my education. I'm already feeling the years. So, I'm proud to know that we are offering to help those who are displaced save that year. I don't know anyone who attends Xavier University, but I figured I'd post this information. Maybe someone who reads this will know somebody who knows somebody...and the information will get passed on to those who need to know about it.

Pass the word.

2005-09-01T20:41:00.000-04:00

So...Today I wondered if anyone in Homosassa blogs. Now, I know my sister has a livejournal and all her friends use it, but I'm really talking about people who blog as opposed to quoting song lyrics that talk about killing someone and trying to pass it off as their own. So I bopped over to google and typed in "Homosassa blog" and got a TON of hits for people who had blogged about the Jessica thing (I'm not typing her whole name because I don't want to get those hits). I also ended up with a blog I thought might have something. In the search synopsis it lead me to believe it was a blog that mentioned Mandy Rivers who is a DJ in Homosassa. I got half way down the page only to notice that pictures were loading. NAKED pictures. I wonder how it is that I never knew Mandy Rivers posed for playboy? Then I found a site with a man advertising for parties, and then he stated that he had moved to Alaska so he wouldn't be able to have parties in Homosassa anymore. I think the people on that message board were very upset to have one less set of swinger parties to attend. There was a picture of this man. He was OLD and not pretty. Who knew there was so much sex in Homosassa?
Dude, have you ever tried to google yourself? It's crazy what comes up. Well, nothing comes up for me, but that's just because I spell my first name wierd. But for everyone else I google, it's crazy.

The things going on in Louisiana and Mississippi are terrifying me. It is completely beyond my comprehension that people are shooting at the very planes and helicopters that are attempting to help them and others. As for the looting, I can understand that people need to take the food. With houses destroyed, any supplies that they had are probably destroyed. And Insurance will cover everything regardless, all perishables will perish, and they buildings will most likely have to be torn down to build up, which will mean disposing of what is left. As for the people stealing TVs, stereos etc... What are they thinking. There isn't going to be electricity for months. And it's really not feasible for you to be able to carry out that TV. In addition, as a Florida resident who has sat through hurricanes AND watched the news carefully when hurricanes are out there, including Katrina, I can't imagine why so many people would stay. If a category 5 hurricane is coming right for you, you should leave. We would have evacuated our house if a category 5 was going to hit the Tampa area, simply because of the wide spread such a large hurricane has. I can't imagine why so many people stayed knowing this thing was coming at them, knowing that their homes sat below sea level, and that the only thing preventing their houses from normally being flooded were a few levees. There is a time when staying is acceptable, and there are always going to be some who stay regardless, but for so many people to have stayed is unimaginable.

As for this "gas shortage," I've never been really sure that it was "necessary" for gas prices to be so high, and I am pretty sure that the current administration doesn't mind the inflated cost of fuel. I think people are failing to take into account the fact that a good part of Louisiana and Mississippi are not going to need any sort of gas for months now. They have to cars to drive and their houses aren't even standing let alone requiring energy usage. Don't get me wrong, I understand that the cost is going to skyrocket, but this sudden fear of shortage, along with the number of briefs government officials are giving seems to be a little unnecessary. They may be meant to stave off fears, but I think, if anything, they are making things worse. So, in the mean time, I'm conserving gas, and hoping that in a week gas prices will stop hiking up, and this madness about shortages will cease, so I can worry about my class work rather than getting to class.

2005-08-31T21:54:00.000-04:00

So I guess the other day when I posted about Lisa Harriman maybe I was already thinking about her. But then when someone replied to my post about her, it really got me thinking about her, because my first thought was, Lisa would probably like to know that. I haven't seen her in probable 2 or 3 years. The last time I saw her was at the Homosassa Arts and Crafts, Seafood festival. I only got to talk to her for a few seconds. She told me she was with a guy who was really cute, that she was pregnant (though not showing) and that they were moving to Cedar Key. Because of a very tragic event, and a subsequent article in the newspaper I know that she did in fact move to Cedar Key. So a couple days ago I did a quick search to see if I could find her. There were a couple hits, but nothing that I could find that was actually about her. Except, of course, my site. Which is interesting because I didn't know that Google was keeping up with my site so much. The next day I checked my site meter, because I had been getting some comments, and I usually don't. And there was a google hit for Lisa Harriman, the searcher was a roadrunner user in Texas. That is SO wierd. I was really hoping to find something about her, so, if someone else comes looking for Lisa, and you happen to know more than I do, could you pass along the info.? I'd really like to know how she is.

2005-08-26T23:51:00.000-04:00

Not really anything to say tonight. I'm kinda tired and I know I have to be up early tomorrow. Tonight one of our classmates came over and we all had dinner together. It was nice to relax, but I really should have watched a couple more lectures. This weekend I'm going home and won't be back until some time monday, so I should have gotten ahead today so I wouldn't be so behind on Monday, but I didn't. Sue me.
Tomorrow morning I have to meet my practicum preceptor. We will get a little orientation and find out what we're going to be doing. Because, well, I have no idea. We don't really get much guidance, and we've already learned we shouldn't ask the professor because when we do, we're told we should have read the syllabus, which I did. So hopefully the preceptor will know what we're doing, and be full of information for us.
I'm heading back home this weekend. I'm going to see a soccer game or two (depending on whether they win the first game) and I need to pick up my intern license and make another attempt at finding my white polo. I'm sure it's somewhere, I just have to find it.

2005-08-25T21:37:00.000-04:00

It has just occured to me that I have dropped the blogger ball. I forgot to note that I got a new cell phone. It's a motorola v265, and I really like it. I'm still getting used to it. It's a flip phone and I have always had a candy bar style. And since it won't fit in my back pocket like me old phone did, I got a leather holster/case thingy. You know what I'm talking about. And I'm getting used to it always being stuck out on my side. I got it because Mom's phone kept acting up. But her phone isnn't out of contract for several more months, Nikky just got a new phone, and since my phone was out of contract, we decided after many ideas of how to work it, that I would get a new phone and mom would have my old phone until she can get a new one. I'm not sure how she likes it, it's much quieter than her old one and doesn't vibe and ring at the same time. Anyway, that's it.

I went to target this evening for binders, I had to look up directions because I had no idea where I was going. I think I really am going to like the area I'm living in now. I liked the other one, but this one seems to have less high traffic areas, and is more centrally located. The downside is that there isn't a grocery store right down the road (not that it's all that far away though) and I don't know where things are yet. And when I got back here, my roommate was gone.

Today delivery people came to set up the entertainment center that my roommate ordered. It is HUGE. They are planning on getting a big screen later one, so it's meant to fit that. Anyway, the people got here just before 10, while I was in the shower, and they were here until 6pm. It came in three pretty clat boxes, so I guess they had to put everything together but from the sound of it they had never done it before. Anyway, I'm pretty sure that We could have put it together in a more timely manner, but the point is that we didn't have to, so we were able to use all that time to do more important things--like school.

So now I'm all by myself with this big entertainment center.

2005-08-24T23:35:00.000-04:00

I seem to have survived the first day of classes and I think I might have gotten everything I was supposed to do done. As usual they make it very hard for us to be completely sure. I'm getting used to living with someone I actually know, but haven't lived with before. The only other person I've lived with and actually knew was Jenn, and that was a long time ago, only for a semester, she left early, and I probably drove her crazy. It's interesting, but it was good, we were able to share a lot of our information and make each other feel better when neither of us knew the information. I think this program would go a lot smoother if they would all just sit down and make a list of the things we need to do and when, that way we could just run down the list checking things off, and we wouldn't sit around all the time wondering what we were actually supposed to do and if we were supposed to do it know or if we should wait to hear from someone, because sometimes we have to wait and sometimes we aren't supposed to. Well, I'm tired, so I am going to bed.

2005-08-24T00:30:00.000-04:00

It's a new day. And today is the first official day of the school year. When I wake up in the morning I will again have lectures and readings breathing down my neck. We got our practicum groups today. I have a community site, so I don't have to be on campus at all this week. The only thing I have to do is meet with my preceptor on Friday. Oh...and I also have to watch lectures. So this weekend I will head home. It will give me a chance to see Nikky's last soccer game and to collect anything that I left at home.
Today--well, yesterday--was Jenn's birthday. I talked to her yesterday when she called to tell me she received my package. But I called her today because it was her actual birthday. They were going to the melting pot for dinner.
The thing about still being in college, when everyone else is out is that all my friends are old now. They rarely ever stay up past 9. It's much easier to stay in touch with Jenn because she calls me. For whatever reason I have a block that makes me forget that I'm supposed to call someone between the hours of about 6 and 10pm. So by the time I remember it's too late. This is especially a problem with Lori because I'm pretty sure she is NEVER up past 9. And...along with forgetfullness, I also don't have free nights and weekends until after 9. Which means to call her I have to use minutes, and when I call her it's not always a quick call. This poses another problem because my sister is a phone diva. She uses like a bazillion minutes, and never seems to understand that there are other people around here that don't have any other phone besides their cell phone, and will be required to make a certain amount of calls on it. That on top of the fact that all my friends are old and are asleep during the free minutes. Are Nikky's friends asleep then? Nope. But that doesn't stop her from calling whoever she wants during the day and sitting around saying absolutely nothing.
So...in conclusion, I hope Lori knows that I don't talk to her that often because she's asleep during the free minutes.

2005-08-23T00:22:00.000-04:00

Tonight is my first night in the new place. And the first night that anyone will sleep on this bed. I hope it is comfortable. As far as the living situation goes, I'm very excited. My roommate is a sweetheart and the place is beautiful. [Note to Tab-Thank you, I think it's great too, I haven't been using yahoo messenger much this summer because I used my mom's computer most of the time, but I did get your messages, and I wasn't ignoring you, and thank you.] Anyway, I think living here is going to be good. It will probably forever ruin me for apartment living.

As for starting school again, I'm not quite sure. It's not really that the summer wasn't long enough. I think this is one of the first summers where I didn't actually think it was too short. It was a good length. What I'm worried about it the academics. If it's anything like last year, I'm soon going to feel completely incompetent and incapable of anything. I really don't like that feeling. So I'm nervous about that part. But just like the previous semesters I'm making a vow to myself that I will stay on top of things and be the ideal student, we'll see how long that lasts. One more day of freedom and then we'll see.

2005-08-18T22:26:00.000-04:00

So...I think highschool must be the most of the completely ridiculous phrases ever. When I was in highschool Lisa Harriman started using the phrase "you blow goats" or "that blows goats" etc... I think I kinda always just thought she made it up. Granted, I never really gave the origin much thought. But I guess either I was wrong about that or the phrase originated right here in Citrus County and no one is giving her proper credit for originating the phrase. Just a little while ago I was doodling around on the internet and someone used the phrase, and I immediately thought of Lisa. I'm sure she would be proud to know that. So now I'm going to tell a story.

Lisa and I were in Spanish class together along with a couple other fellow band geeks. We all spent a lot of time together doing band stuff, but the Spanish class was just coincidence. One day we learned how to say goat in Spanish (not that I can remember now) which gave Lisa the idea to learn how to say "You blow goats" in Spanish. But blow is probably not a word they EVER teach in a highschool Spanish class she had to ask the teacher, who now that I think about it, surprisingly provided the information. And so began the Spanish "You blow goats," not that I can remember how to say it now. Horribly sad. So one day she said it to someone who could actually speak spanish, and his reply was "You hit goats?" Turns out the teacher didn't understand which blow she wanted to know, and Lisa had been walking around telling people they hit goats. But I think the point here is that it's the thought that counts.

2005-08-09T22:06:00.000-04:00

So yesterday I took a trip to Jacksonville to see where I'm going to live next year. My roommate is a girl that I am going to school with, the townhouse is owned by her boyfriend, who bought it as an investment property, he will be somewhere up east (though I can't remember where) and won't be back (permanently) until the middle of May. So the deal is only for the school year, then I will have to find somewhere else. Hopefully (cross your fingers) I will be able to find someone at the end of the year who is also looking for a roommate and who I can live with next year.
It's an end unit

I always judge a place by the kitchen, and this one looks good, and has so much more space when compared to an apartment.

And my room is good sized.

There is also a third bedroom that we will use as an office.
Yea!

2005-08-04T22:01:00.000-04:00

Nikky is recovering from what is most likely a case of Salmonella poisoning that she got from a snake she bought, brought home, and kept in her closet without telling anyone. She didn't really do a good job of keeping that secret though.
I'm pretty sure she thinks that no one has ever gone through this before. Her grossest comment of the day came right after exiting the bathroom this evening.
"I deserve a Publix sub!" she announced, and then followed it up by telling us that it was a little bit solid.
Thank you.

A week or so ago I found a place to live next year. It's a really nice place, I haven't actually seen it yet, but it's in a new townhouse community. It's a 3 br 2.5 bath end unit. She's just renting out one bedroom and the other will serve as an office. The only real downside so far is that it will only be for this year. I will have to do the whole moving thing again in May. But if all goes well it will be worth it to live there for the year, AND I won't have to pay rent over the summer. I just have to remember to find a place to put my stuff or get another place starting in May.

This means I need furniture. Yes, I'm 24 years old and I don't even own ANY furniture of my own. So...I looked in the newspapers, and online. And I found out that it's not all that common to find a FULL size bedroom set, but I already have full size linens, so I would really rather stick with full size. And then we spent the weekend going yard saleing. It was interesting, You would not believe how ugly the furniture is around here. We saw 2 white with gold trim sets, which I hate. It bothers me that they paint the wood, and I guess there are some places that it is okay, but I really only see it as being okay for little girls' bedrooms. We also saw a chest and dresser that would have been okay, though I really didn't like it but it didn't have a headboard (which I could live without) or a nightstand, and in reality when you get down to the bare essentials I just need one dresser/chest and a nightstand. I decided pretty early on that I would rather just a chest, because it will be easier to move, and I'm apparently going to have to do that a lot. So I didn't get that set. But by far the worst thing I saw was a complete black lacquer bedroom suite. It was $200 and I honestly don't know how they are going to get rid of that, they should just take it to the dump on free Tuesday and be thankful that they didn't have to invest anymore money in that absolutely awful furniture.

2005-08-02T22:29:00.000-04:00

So...Name a color.

I've been meaning to post for days now, I just never get to it, not that I'm doing anything that's taking up so much time that I can't post, I'm just lazy. I've thought up several posts in the last week or so. I'm surprisingly witty in my head. Too bad the wit never makes it to this blog.
I went to the mall today, and it's been so long since I've been to the mall myself I started to wonder if I'm aloud to go to the mall by myself. But then I saw Justin and Samantha there and since they can go to the mall by themselves, I probably can too. Really, it's been a long time. And I noticed how much the mall needs a wash and wax, it's getting a little run down looking. It could use some new signs and a good pressure wash.
Recently I've gotten 2 e-mails from people I don't know about this blog. It's always fun to get e-mails from strangers saying they liked something I wrote about or are going through something that I went through and are glad they aren't the only ones feeling the same way I did once. Interestingly, in both cases, I almost didn't open the e-mail. I have the same yahoo account I've had since we went online when I was in high school. I think it must be the oldest yahoo account still in use. I should get a prize or something. But it causes a problem in that I get a LOT of junk mail. A LOT. I've always been one of those e-mail pack-rats. I don't delete anything. In the early days of my e-mail account I would constantly have that yahoo reminder that I was nearing my limit, and when it got to about 105% of capacity, I would go through and delete enough e-mails to be down to about 90%. I was probably the happiest person whenever they increased my limit. But when Gmail came out, yahoo increased their limit to match. And I now have no problem with my limit. It has a bulk mail filter which filters most of the junk mail and deletes them after a certain amount of time, I don't ever even look at it. And I just let the junk mail that makes it into my inbox sit there. I only open the ones I recognize and rarely delete anything. And even after doing this for a while now, I'm only at 12% of my limit. It also means that if I don't recognize your name, and your subject doesn't ring a bell then I might just figure it for junk and skip over it. It was just luck that I read either of those recent e-mails. So...I'm considering moving to my gmail account. I got one when they first started testing Gmail, because it was offered through blogger, an arm of Google, which is the parent of Gmail, I didn't even need a code, I was a bad test dummy though because I didn't use my Gmail. But I do check it occasionally and I haven't gotten a single mail their yet. So they must have some good spam stuff going on. The only thing stopping me is that I've had my yahoo account for so long, and I don't want to miss e-mails from anyone who wants to get a hold of me.
So the moral, if I don't know you and you want to e-mail me about the blog, then mention the blog in the title, so I know to read the e-mail. And if you e-mailed me about the blog and you didn't hear from me after, then I probably didn't read your e-mail, sorry, send it again, because I like e-mail that isn't trying to sell me male enhancement products or refinance the mortgage I don't have.
And as for the color question at the beginning, if you said anything but red then you aren't a typical north American. That was a trivial pursuit question I got off my pringle. Apparently when you ask most North Americans to name a color they say red. So far, this is not the case. Let me know what you said so I can count you in the survey.

Note: the trivial pursuit pringles are great to take on a picnic, we got subs and took them to the sugarmill park and had a little picnic before Nikky's soccer game Sunday.

2005-07-25T00:00:00.000-04:00

I have a bone to pick with ikea. Why are ALL of their frames available only in store. They will ship you a bed, but a box of picture frames is just too difficult. This annoys me mostly because frames are expensive and I want a lot of them. I've looked and so far have not found another place in the world where you can find a picture frame for 67 cents.

They just opened a store in Atlanta, but I just can't justify making a trip to Altanta for picture frames. I tried to talk my mom into stopping in Atlanta while we were on vacation, but she wasn't keen on stopping in the middle of a city to go shopping. In the end we didn't even go to Georgia, we went up through Alabama, which is a much better route, you miss Atlanta (we all hate Altanta), Memphis(where we always miss our turn), and Chattanooga (which I hate). So I can't complain that we didn't make it while on vacation. I can only complain that the closest store is ALL the way in Atlanta, and I'm not driving 8 hours (one way) for frames, and why can't they ship them?

2005-07-22T20:12:00.000-04:00

So...Today my post will be about our departure from Cedar Grove on our last day at the river because I told OFFICERS OF THE LAW that I was going to blog about it.

So, while I was watching (and photographing) minors taking part in activities which were probably not a good idea if not illegal a ranger pulled up by the bridge and parked.

We had heard a story that this ranger has several law suits against him and apparently enjoys harassing people. One story in particular involves a 17 year old male noticing this ranger poking around behind his camp, when the boy questioned the ranger the ranger immediately cuffed him, then the boys mother went over to ask what was going on (which is completely predictable) and he arrested her also. The story goes that neither of them resisted in any way or were disrespectful, they simply wanted to know why he would be back behind their tent in their camping area. If we go by the story then the lawsuit these people filed is not the only one pending. We are law abiding and such, so while we were unsure whether the story told was the complete and total truth, we weren't too bothered by it. Still, it was deciding that a couple of the people in our group would not camp there. But when it came to having lunch there I had no reservations. So we went and we had fun sitting with our chairs in the water. And later we watched some of that questionable activity I was talking about.

But when the ranger arrived we decided it best to depart. As we gathered our things and our people to go a police officer came tearing in the low road. This caught my attention because this kind of stuff just doesn't happen here and if it was happening I wanted to know what was going on. The ranger and the officer talked for a little while, then moved out to the road and started stopping everyone that crossed the bridge. This was crazy, so even though by this time sabrina had everyone in her car and ready to go I stayed outside our car and waited for a break in cars. I was lucky on this day because I was wearing my "I'm blogging this." shirt. That morning I had taken a survey and Nikky wanted me to wear it. When I found out we were going to the river I thought I should change because it is black and it would be hot in the sun. Nikky still thought I should wear it so I just stuck another in the trunk in case. So I waited for the break and traffic came and approached. They told me that Cedar Grove is the rangers jurisdiction but whenever they have time the police officer comes down to give him a hand. They were checking license and registration. I asked several times why they were checking it here and at that time. The Police officer told me they did this all over the county and that they were just doing it there because they both had time. I'm not sure how true this is because I'm pretty sure it's impossible to getting a speeding ticket there, where would you pull over? So it follows that they also wouldn't have a place where it would be safe to stop cars in the middle of the road in many other places in the county. Regardless of what they SAID they were doing, while they were checking people's license and registration they were obviously being very intimidating and overbearing. They were obviously looking in people's truck beds and back seats.

However when I talked to them they were both congenial and willing to answer my questions. I should have taken a picture of them and gotten their names, but I was a little nervous (what with the threat of being arrested because I asked a question) and I didn't have a paper to write down names.
All in all I'm not sure what to think. I wasn't sure that the story I had heard could be the complete truth, it just doesn't seem possible that they would let someone with so many complaints against him stay on the job, but I've never seen them do anything like that there. And while they were completely nice to me, they seemed quite intimidating to the people they stopped.

They were very young. I don't think the ranger could have been much older than me, and the police officer was definitely younger. I suppose they could just be trying to exert their authority. If this is true I hope they become more secure in their power soon. I would hate to think that we might always fear the area because of overzealous officers. On the other hand they were very polite to me, and I hope that the story we got was exaggerated at least a little. As for that check point that we saw, I hope that in the future they are at least a little more friendly in appearance.

I really did enjoy the day at Cedar Grove, it was very pleasant to sit and relax with my feet in the water, occasionally looking for rocks that would be good for skipping. I'm not very good at it but it's fun to try. I even enjoyed speaking with the officers. And my little chat with them probably got both sabrina and I out of a parking ticket. It might have also had something to do with the fact that we were leaving, and they were busy stopping cars going across the bridge.

2005-07-21T22:03:00.000-04:00

Jeez...While I was on vacation there were so many things that I thought I should post about, hopefully I actually get around to it.
Right before vacation Nikky broke up with Brian. He had gotten clingy and was calling her all the time and whenever she would talk to him on the phone she would get up, go in her room, and close the door. It got to where he called her so often I was about to grab the phone from her and yell at him. He wasn't just harassing her, he was harassing me, as if it wasn't bad enough that he snores so loud he could wake the dead. I'm not sure if I mentioned how much I resent knowing that even though I'm not sleeping with him. So anyway, she broke up with him. Of course, she never told me, mom told me. And I was happy because I wouldn't have to listen to her phone ring every other second all the way to Illinois and back. Of course, he's not completely stupid and things weren't completely broken off. So she went to lunch with him the day we left. We were supposed to leave at 3:00, but at 1:30 she was still with him and hadn't gotten the stuff she was supposed to do done. And when she got home she wasn't done packing. But we made it out of here only a half hour late, which isn't bad for us. He didn't call, or not much while we were gone, but she was itching to call anyone she could get ahold of so she did talk to him while we were gone. But the real kicker is that the first day we were home she went to see him and then called to see if he could come to dinner and if he could stay the night, because...his parents needed a break from him. Not even his own parents can deal with him for a couple weeks straight. I don't know why this doesn't set off warning bells in her head. And I don't know about you, but normally you don't spend the night with a boyfriend you just broke up with. Of course tonight she saw a movie with one of her guy friends, which she probably wouldn't have done before, so it remains to be seen what's really going on. But I'm pretty sure it was just a false alarm, they are still dating, and he's going to just keep on living here forever and ever.

I'm back

2005-07-20T21:59:00.000-04:00

I'm back, but not quite ready to post. Maybe when I catch up on some sleep. It has taken me a while but I've finally finished uploading, titling, tagging, and describing my vacation pictures over at flickr. There are a lot of them so be prepared.

Gone Fishin'

2005-07-12T07:09:00.000-04:00

Okay, so not that I've really been posting much but I definitely won't be posting for the next few days. We will be without internet access and mostly without cell phone service. But this is what I've been up to. Not exciting, but I've had fun.

2005-07-08T22:10:00.000-04:00

Tonight we are in Cadiz KY, in a fabulous Holiday Inn, which I highly recommend. It has wireless internet, and though the service has been spotty in places it is much appreciated. I only have a few pictures so far, but you can see them here. We have a few more hours tomorrow and then we will be in Illinois where we will visit with my grandmother and some other family. Then on Tuesday we will be heading to Montauk, MO where we will visit more family and be pretty much completely out of touch with the rest of the world. And of course, we are happy we got out of FL in time to miss the gianormous hurricane floating around out there, hopefully it will miss home so we don't have to run home and file an insurance claim. And of course, the rest of our family who are leaving at the begining of next week will hopefully get out safe and sound. It's sounding pretty bad. Hopefully it will just fizzle out, they say that the waters aren't quite warm enough to sustain a category 5.

Since we left the day of the terror attacks in London we've only heard bits and pieces, my heart goes out to them. This can't keep happening, something needs to change because what we're doing right now isn't making it any better.